I Forgave You… But My Heart Won’t Let Me Come Home

Someone said Keke is a fraud! Let’s TALK ABOUT IT! 

WHO taught you how to love? 

“I forgave you… but the version of me that loved you is gone.”

“Coach DTM, KeKe and KD

I’m struggling with something people keep telling me should be easy.

My ex hurt me in one of the worst ways imaginable. They lied, hid things from me, and broke my trust over and over. Eventually, they owned what they did. They apologized, got counseling, changed their circle, and have been trying to prove they’re a different person.

The crazy part is… I believe they’ve changed.

I don’t hate them anymore. I pray for them. I genuinely forgive them.

But every time we try to get back together, I feel like I’m forcing myself to become someone I’m not anymore. I don’t look at them with excitement—I look at them with memories. I don’t hear their promises—I hear the lies that came before them. I don’t question whether they’ve changed… I question whether my heart can ever feel safe with them again.

They keep saying, ‘Don’t let the past control our future.’

But I feel like the past changed me.

People keep telling me, ‘If you really forgave them, you’d give them another chance.’ I don’t think that’s true.

Can you forgive someone completely… and still know they’re no longer the person you’re meant to build a future with? Or am I letting the pain win?”

🎙️ Question to your audience:

“Can you truly forgive someone… and still know you should never be with them again? Or if forgiveness is real, should love always get another chance?”

Motivation of the week

Forgiveness says, ‘You hurt me, but you don’t get to own me anymore.

Transcript

SPEAKER_08 0:26

I hung out with all the puckers and fluids all the dudes. See, I'm a goat. Bro, what up, though? You know who it is. It's your boy, Coach D T M AKA Pure Motivation. I am Mr. Energy. Everybody loves me. I don't have one enemy. Our podcast is here now, so you gotta respect it. You never get off on us because we never the exit. If you know me, then you know that I'm more than a savage who loves living life and is allergic to average. So we conclusion, so it's no confusion. If we see somebody really than us, it's an illusion. Listen, listen, welcome to another episode of Relationship Reality Podcast, where you get your daily dose of relationships and reality. This is the world's most dangerous podcast. You know why? Because we guaranteed to make you grow, or we guaranteed to make you go. Oh talk about man, we in this thing, man. We appreciate y'all. Welcome back, man. We in this thing. Listen, listen, listen. It's gonna be a good episode today. You know why? Why? Because after we get these preliminaries out the way, we're going straight to messy. All right. So, how was your week and weekend, man?

SPEAKER_05 1:46

Exactly.

SPEAKER_08 1:48

Couple weeks and weeks in, I guess we should say, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

You know, we've been drunk since the end. I'm like, this is water, in case anybody was wondering.

SPEAKER_08 1:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm on detox. I am on detox for like 30 days.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

I am. I do need to detox it. Today ain't gonna be detoxed.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

I see y'all on Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

I'm not I'm not I'm not going to Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Thanksgiving is a long time.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

I see y'all in about 30 days.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

I mean, I got birth with 30.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

What's coming up? First of all, you sound like your oldest nephew. He likes the fourth of July coming up. I like to drink on the fourth, though. My my niece baby, not baby sharp. What is it? January New York. We like to drink for 30 days.

SPEAKER_08 2:31

I used to drink on 4th of July, but then June 10th came about.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_08 2:36

You know what I'm saying? So pick the side. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

So we really could use the month of July to detox. Because ain't nothing really coming up.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

I think I will too.

SPEAKER_08 2:45

Boom. I think I will. There y'all go. You hear it here first, man. What's been going on in y'all worlds, man? Talk about it. Other than that, I know I know Kiki didn't been in and out of town. You know what I'm saying? Back and forth.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

And back and forth. It's been stupid. It's been busy, busy, busy, busy, and busy. So at work, of course, they asked me to be an ambassador. So I'm just walking around asking people to take these little surveys. You know, I got to convince them a little bit. They like, oh, they picked the right person for the drive because I like them Leggings too. They don't help a little bit. Yeah, I do. They asked me for no reason. They know I'm gonna talk you to death, and then you're gonna get to you're gonna be doing that survey at the end of the day. So that and then I um I went up north to a link leadership training program, and that was a whole week.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

She had a time. Oh my god. I was on her Snapchat, like, well, damn.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

It was so fun. So we did classes from nine to four, and then afterwards, we they had like bars like out there too, like two little bars. But it was but you couldn't take your phones because they're like, no, this is all upper upper leadership. We don't need no need on social on social media.

SPEAKER_08 4:00

I like that.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

And it's like I do feel like the phones are a distraction because we're up there to network, we're up there to learn, we're up there to do, you know, certain stuff. So it's like, you know, I did, I did meet a lot of the presidents of different locals and like a lot of different people. So it was good. I got a lot out of it. It was fun.

SPEAKER_07 4:22

KD.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Yeah, nothing. I've just been working and sleeping, and oh, we did go to this like this anime game system. It I don't know, it was kind of dope though. It was kind of dope. The the person who did the beat on our intro did a beat set, so we were there to support that. She did a really good job. And then the whole podcast was over there. I don't know what they was over there doing.

SPEAKER_08 4:50

Yeah, so we we we did a post show, you know what I'm saying? We had a uh it was a lot of PLE for those who don't know, that's like a pay-per-view for wrestling. Okay, that happened that Saturday. So we did a post show for that.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Oh, okay. Yeah, and try to talk to you. I couldn't hear y'all, so I don't know what y'all was yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 5:07

It was it was a little difficult, but you know, I think I'm gonna be the last one on the show because my mic was better and I was controlling the board, so you know I was like you said boot down, turn mine up, turn me up, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 5:21

But it was a dope experience. I will say the people in like the anime world, they're super super nice. Yeah, they are so nice.

SPEAKER_08 5:29

Yeah, yeah, it was a good time. It was no drama. That's the that's the best part. I like no drama, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 5:34

And it was people from everywhere. Uh the the one lady I met, she was from DC. The group of guys, the the posse, they were from New York. They drove here though. They said they live in northern New York, so it only took five hours to get here. Oh, okay. Um the lady from DC, I think she flew here.

SPEAKER_08 5:51

Yeah, it was it was dope. It was definitely a dope experience. It was it was my first go-round. What day was that?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Did you have a set of yesterday?

SPEAKER_02 5:59

I was hanging out with the firefighters yesterday.

SPEAKER_08 6:02

Yeah, what the hell? Putting on fires?

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Oh, yeah, but I think was outside a little bit. Okay, you put some fires on it. It was a fundraiser that the the fire station had where you paid $25 for like barbecue drinks, and he just had the firefighters walking around. So yeah, we we did that. You had a time? My friend Mohini is in town, so oh yeah, this is her weekend. So we, you know, she finds all kind of stuff. I don't even know where she found it at, but we were like, okay, let's pull up.

SPEAKER_08 6:29

Now what now let me ask y'all this question? You just said firehouse, and it just made me think for something. So I had to do some work at a firehouse not too long ago, a few weeks ago. And there were all men, with the exception of one woman, right? She was a little thicky, you know what I'm saying? A little thicky shaky, but see uh the the work that would needed to be done needed some cleaning to be done prior to me doing what I needed to do. Okay, and I was like, man, it's crazy that they automatically deemed her to do the cleaning. So I was like, is that sexy? Maybe it was her day though.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

You know, they have short charts, so maybe it was her day.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Maybe just or she's a cleaner, she's the woman, the woman of the house, you know.

SPEAKER_08 7:17

But yeah, no, they was cool people though. They wouldn't let me get on the on the top of the truck, but it was cool. I wanna see what it's all about. I'll be seeing people in the house.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

They're like, you're not trained, sir.

SPEAKER_08 7:28

You ain't gotta be trained. I've been climbing roofs and all that for a long time. You gotta get on top of that. Oh Lord, do I not?

SPEAKER_02 7:35

Bro, you know, Lord. I knew where that was going. Oh DCM.

SPEAKER_08 7:41

Trying to be messy.

SPEAKER_05 7:43

Oh, okay. So you had a good week and weekend, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 7:46

Yeah, I had definitely a good couple weeks and and weekend, you know, B Day celebrations, and oh, we did have fun for that. Father's Day, yeah, Father's Day. Oh yeah, I forgot.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Yeah, we ain't recorded in a minute.

SPEAKER_08 7:56

Yeah, it's been a couple weeks, man.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

I did win that top go up just to let you know.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

She did win by like thousands of points in one game, and so I was done after that. I didn't really know what happened.

SPEAKER_08 8:07

I did have the one game, so yeah, so it's time to be messy, man. So first first piece of mess that we're gonna deal with is uh somebody came to me and alluded, and I ain't gonna let nobody just talk bad about my people, but I will take the badness and bring it to the show. We can talk about it, you know what I'm saying? So somebody alluded that one of the members of the relationship reality podcast is a fraud, and I want to talk about it. Oh any idea on who this member is that is projected to be a fraud on this here show you where we are Charlemagne, where we are hot on this show. I hope it's me because humble, open, and transparent. And I want to know. Let's start with KD. Who is the fraud?

SPEAKER_01 9:10

I think it's you because everybody says you the Charlemagne of our podcast.

SPEAKER_08 9:13

Okay, people either love you or hate you. Talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

I agree, but I want it to be me because uh I want to talk my shit back.

SPEAKER_08 9:20

Heck the answer is Kiki.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

I knew they said Kiki is a frog. What why and who said that?

SPEAKER_08 9:37

So we we're gonna leave we're gonna leave the name anonymous, but we're gonna bring the situation out because I want to see I want to get your take on this, man. I want to see in your feelings.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

So excited. I didn't see her smile this big.

SPEAKER_08 9:49

What the he see, you know?

SPEAKER_05 9:53

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 9:54

So here's why they said you are a fraud, and they want to know how you know. They say you gotta pick a side, yo. Oh, that's what they said. Oh, they said you gotta pick a side, yo.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

First of all, nobody gonna bully me into picking shit.

SPEAKER_08 10:07

They said you gotta pick a side, I ain't gotta do shit. You know what I'm saying? And they said when I say this the the for this last time to do this, you gotta pick a side, and they told me ring the bell. That's what they said. I I didn't make this up, all right.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

So the least the thing is this okay, let's see where we've been best friends at this table.

SPEAKER_08 10:28

I know you line beyond 20 years, right? 20 years of best friendship at this here table. If you're new to the show, KD and I have been in a relationship married and together for almost 30 years.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Sheesh!

SPEAKER_08 10:53

Talk about it, yeah. Damn and uh Kiki is the best friend of both. Now needless to say who she came in this thing, but needless to say, right? So since it's needless to say, I'm not gonna say it. Oh my god, but they want to know how is it uh ethically possible for Kiki to uh uh presume the title of best friend for both parties in this relationship. That's what they want to know. They said it's it's it's ethically impossible for you to be able to do that. They said it's impossible.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

How is it impossible?

SPEAKER_08 11:40

Because they said at some point uh you know, people don't really know relationships, right? So they they assume that when you ugly they assume they assume that when you marry you automatically are at odds, is what I'm thinking, right? And so when two people are at odds and they have a best friend, the best friend would have to pick a side of the people that are at odds, that's what I'm thinking, right? But you don't so this is gonna be a great learning opportunity for a lot of people who probably feel like this because once I heard this, I had to go around a little bit and ask some other people, like yo, do your the do y'all have best friends that's best friends to both sides, right? I don't think I got a lot of yeses, so it's not I mean it's not common, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

It's not common, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 12:33

So they want to know how is this possible?

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Do tell me. Okay, first of all, ethics has nothing to do with this person. Like, let's just take that out there because what the fuck. And I want to know who it is. Did they say the name and you don't want to say the name, or is it because I'm ready to is it a female or a male?

SPEAKER_08 12:56

It was a female, of course.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Told you the hating ass bitches.

SPEAKER_08 12:59

I know every time it was a female, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

She probably ain't got no name because she don't want her legs.

SPEAKER_08 13:03

We're gonna leave the name out because somebody we know. Maybe, maybe not.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

He hesitated. That's it. I don't give a fuck. Fuck you anyway, whoever you are.

SPEAKER_08 13:13

Okay, so why she's trying to pull her uncle's uh techniques out on me. I know you I know you did manage. Well, you hesitated.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

I already knew the answer. It's okay. We know the person. I still don't give a fuck about them because this is my circle. The fuck. But I feel like we've been in positions where it's uncomfortable, right? I don't have to choose a side. I'm on your side, I'm on your side, right? Shit done happened where we like, god damn it, motherfucker. This did okay, I'm gonna take you away, but then I'm gonna talk to you. Like, I I can still be the middle person for everybody. I don't have to choose a side. I love both of y'all. I'm never gonna let neither one of y'all do no dumb shit either. So if you tell me some shit and I'm be like, what the what the fuck is you think? I'm gonna pop you upside your motherfucking head and be like, get your shit together. But I'm the the secret holder, right? Like, I'm never gonna tell her shit, I'm never gonna tell your shit, but I'm gonna get y'all together at the same time. Like, we never gonna do no dumb shit because this is never ending, right? Right, we are Romeo, Juliet, and Juliet, bitch.

SPEAKER_08 14:11

We is going the fuck, it's not so what happens because I do believe, like, bro, I do believe that just for our dynamics make us better because for one, we never want to put each other in that type of position, right? So even if you find yourself putting that person, like if I find myself putting KP in that position, yeah, it makes me check myself too while she's checking me. But what if it's a situation, and I guess that'd be a different relationship, but what if it's a situation for other people out there that that want this dynamic where they don't check themselves, right? And let's say I'm doing something and you know it's gonna hurt KD, yeah, and you telling me, hey, stop that. I'm not paying no attention. Then at that point, do you back out of it? Do you tell KD, like thank God we ain't gonna put in that position, yeah. And I think that's the that is a hard position. I think that's the vision that people have because you know, most people that's how people are.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 15:18

So I think that's the vision that they have when they see this type of dynamic that we have here.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

But they know, but I feel like if they know us, it's been 20 plus years, like if they know us, they know, like it's just not. I mean, we hope it ain't gonna happen, right? But I feel like it's I don't know, that is that would be a hard one though.

SPEAKER_08 15:37

Yeah, that's and that's why they felt like uh uh Kiki a frog, but but who is she really with?

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Right, which side do I really have with?

SPEAKER_08 15:51

And of course, y'all know what I said. Oh my god, I said Katie.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

No, you didn't, but I also feel like Kiki is a the kind of friend that don't mind holding you accountable for your part in the situation, so it's not about picking sides. I think she's always on the side of what she what she feels is right, you know what I'm saying? If I feel like I'm right, you feel like you're right, she don't mind pointing out to us the wrong and what we feel like is right, and I feel like that genuine friendship, people don't a lot of people don't have don't and they don't have it, yeah. Like they don't have people that'll call them out on their bullshit, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Yes, man, baby.

SPEAKER_08 16:26

We do not know exactly. What about the people who whether you're trying to hold me accountable or not? It wasn't me, not listening.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

I'm not accountable. That's the part.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

So but those people are the type of people that think our dynamic don't work, but it ain't for them to understand what happened because we we've been through so much, it's like I can't see either one of y'all saying, uh, fuck what you saying, I'm gonna do this. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just don't see that like ever. Right. So that would be, I'm like, that would be difficult, but I never see that happening. So that's the part that would be difficult. Because if it did happen, I'd be like, shit, I have to go get some counseling. Like, bitch, what the fuck do I do in this situation? Because I don't see it happening, right?

SPEAKER_08 17:02

Yeah, because I got this, I got this a a couple a minute ago, but we you know, we haven't been piling like that. And when we did pile, we had other stuff on the agenda, so I couldn't bring it up. But the thing that made it resurface in my head was a situation. I was listening to a local radio station, and they they do a segment called The War of Roses, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:22

I like that.

SPEAKER_08 17:24

And this particular one, the sister was thinking that her brother was cheating on his girl. So she called in and she said, if it's true, uh huh, I'm telling.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

So not a world know.

SPEAKER_08 17:39

Yeah, definitely a world know. So you don't gotta tell. But if the if the girl don't listen to the show, all you gotta do is kind of present the evidence. Like, yeah, just listen to this, listen to this. See if this voice sounds familiar, you know what I'm saying? Oh, but so people was calling in to talk about that, and I was like, This kind of put me in the light of what this person said in a way, but it's a little bit different because this is a sibling, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

But yeah, no, so fraud, fraud, fraud fraud is crazy. They probably got their wig from the dollar, still not from the dollar stuff, not from somebody single and ugly, not from the dollar, with no friends.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

You won't, you want what we got is with you. You want the friendship, the genuine friendships that we have, let along too.

SPEAKER_08 18:28

Yeah, yeah. Man, so another quick question before we uh hop into one of these here fan cent questions, reality, the realist questions, I should say. I was listening listening to one of my shows that I like to listen to on the regular, and they had asked this question, and I want to bring it to our show because I feel like this was a really good question, right? In life, we learn things differ differently, I should say, right? But one of the hardest things to learn is love. So my question is who taught you how to love?

SPEAKER_01 19:16

I I think when I was younger, my dad and my and my aunt taught me how to love. Like they taught me love.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

I don't think it's taught though.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Like I kind of think I think they showed us and then we adapted to it or like picked up traits of it. But I would I think it came from like my dad and my aunt, and then in my teenage years, I would say it was Leanne. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

I don't know. I think I think it's not taught. I think it's we do we do observe what we observe as kids, right? So in my household, we did hugs, we did, you know, kiss on the cheeks, we did we we we saw that love unconditionally, right? Yeah, but I feel like your first true love, I think like that's where you find like the real love is. Oh yeah. Like I feel like Deonce really showed you what love. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like I feel like your first like long-term real relationship teach you what you like, what you don't like, like what their real love is.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Like, like the building block.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 20:16

And I asked this question because when I felt when I heard it, I was like, that's a good question. Because this is the thing, we learn how to love a specific way from us, maybe a person, like y'all just said, maybe a situation, maybe from having the lack of and knowing what you want. Yeah, like you want to be loved and what love feels like to you. So you kind of give that to other people. But when you think about like relationships, right? Or even kids, nobody's the same. So how did you how do you decipher, like, okay, I love this person, but they don't see the love the way that I present it, the way I learn to present it, the way I feel comfortable presenting it. So I gotta shift it so they can feel this the way that I'm I really feel about them. You know what I'm saying? So how do you decipher how to shift the way you present the love to the person that you, you know, in question? That's the question. Because it's different, right? And that's why they come up with the term, you know, love languages and that's what I was about to say.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Because it's like you can you can say I love you all day, right? That's just a that's just a word, but showing it is different. Like everybody has a different way of showing love, right?

SPEAKER_06 21:36

Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

And if it's not good enough, then that's when the communication comes, like, okay, well, I would like you to tell me that I'm beautiful. I would like you to tell me that, you know, hug me more. I would like you to show more affection. I would like, you know, you tell you got to communicate at some point. Now, if that don't work, I don't really know. But I feel like you gotta communicate that because showing it, everybody don't pick that up, right? I can hug you every day and you can be like, I didn't really feel like she loves me. Right. You know what I'm saying? So Like, I think that's the communication got to work with love at the same time, like it gotta be in the same sentence for me.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

So it's funny that you brought that up because the Mouth East Podcast, that their last episode, they talked about loving you in your love language versus loving you in my love. That's what I said. So showing showing up for you how I want you to show up for me, you may not interpret it that way. So you do have to love your person in their love language. So you have to learn how to adapt and how to figure out how that person wants to be loved. And if you feel like you can't meet those standards, then you probably need to rethink what you thought.

SPEAKER_08 22:40

Because this I'm a firm believer.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

I feel like it's in you or if it's not though. Like I feel like if you can't do it, you can't do it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

No, yeah, I agree with you.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

You know what I'm saying? Like, I can't you can't force something that's not there.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Yeah, no matter how much you it's like what they say is you beating a dead horse.

SPEAKER_08 22:55

Yeah, you said if it's in you, it's in you. Is that what you just said?

SPEAKER_02 22:59

If it's not in you, but I do feel like I do feel like you can change for the right person though. Because I seen it in my son, right? He wasn't affection, he wasn't this, he wasn't that. And then his girl was like, but that's why I said a communication come in. Yeah, because had he had she not said nothing, he would never know, like, oh, you like to be hugged, you like to hold hands, you like to be kissed, you like to, you know. Yeah, but when she told him that, oh, he adapted right away. And now he loving, can't like he is so affectionate now, right? Like can't keep his hands off of her. Even at the graduation party yesterday was you don't care who looking, he don't like he loves her, yeah. And you it you can see it, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 23:33

Yeah, it's and it's a beautiful thing. I do believe, I'm a firm believer that your best love language to give to someone else is the one that you that identifies with you, yeah, right? But if you because this this is a difficult part too, I feel like just for men, maybe both sides, maybe maybe both sides. Sometimes you don't know yourself, right? So you will adapt to someone else's love language that's in your circle, like you would pick up Kiki's love language thinking, oh, okay, that's what I want too. But the man is looking at you and saying, You don't you don't shine when I do that type of love language, you know what I'm saying? But when I do this, you do. Yeah, so I would be trying to not make you not mold you, yeah, yeah, yeah, but just bring light to it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Yeah, so that you can see, like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 24:32

Okay, maybe this is my actual love language. And I think that period though, that period where you're trying to figure that out, it's a dangerous period. Sometimes you don't know though.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Sometimes you don't know, yeah. Sometimes you you figuring it out and take it, it takes some time. You're in a relationship with one person and you like this, but then you get into a relationship with another person. You like, oh, you like, oh, I did like that, but then I also like more, like I want this too.

SPEAKER_08 24:57

So yeah, yes, and I was just about to say that too. Sometimes it does take for another person to step in and bring it out.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Yeah, because the more you expose to the more you know what you like. Exactly. It's just like restaurants. If you only eat at like McDonald's, Burger King, stuff like that, you never get to experience like the roof crisp. You don't even know if you like it. Yeah, now once you have it, now you like, well, damn.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Now I can't I can't downgrade now.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Yeah, maybe that ain't you know, so you you like you said, like when you're in these long-term relationships, you learn yourself, yeah, as well as learning the other person. Yeah, and then if you get into another relationship, you get exposed to other stuff, and you like, dang, I really was just settling for that stuff. And then, but the thing is, once you're exposed to this stuff, you can't go back.

SPEAKER_08 25:44

I got a I got a homie that that loves to say his saying is your level of exposure dictates your level of success, right? So that's the thing I've learned in my life, is I love to try to not just expose myself, but expose my wife and everybody around. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So that's why I like even when we do just regular day nights, I go above thinking sometimes because especially if Kiki would have, because she's been everywhere. So it'd be it'd be some stuff that we ain't done yet that we probably ain't gonna do yet, unless we by ourselves, because I'm like, nah, Kiki probably been here, so we gotta let's go let's try to do nah. Kiki, nah, I remember her saying this in the chat. She said nope. So you gotta think outside the box to try to keep exposing, right? So that do be funny.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

We'll be like, I'm gonna do shit. I'm like, I ass. Yeah, she's been here before, y'all. Well, whoop Dina.

SPEAKER_08 26:40

And even if you have if I have ideas and won't bring it up, I have ideas and won't bring it up because I was like, I don't want her to even hear this and be like, I'm about to do it. Like, I'm gonna no, no, she try to wait, but if it if it takes longer than two weeks, I do try to wait. We got 14 days.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

I am going to new restaurants every day. Probably should be a critic at some point because no, for real.

SPEAKER_08 27:03

I like to go to different no, no, she shouldn't be a critic. Why? Because everybody's gonna fail.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

I like some food.

SPEAKER_08 27:10

The food be good, but it's always gonna be that service or something that's gonna be, and then once that one thing is you know, food was good, but your tip will reflect.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

Your tip will reflect. Your tip will it will reflect, though. Bro, we in customer service, you gotta get the attitude together, baby. Yeah, you here to serve me. Fuck you talk about too much, damn it.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Oh, yeah, it's always too much, but it's okay.

SPEAKER_08 27:38

All right, so that was good. That was good. Uh that was the question. I'm like, man, we can definitely well.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

You gotta answer it. I like how he don't ever.

SPEAKER_08 27:48

You know, when you moderate, you just can't do it. You know what I'm saying? Nah, bruh. But I did, I kinda answered with y'all though. Like, so who taught me how to love was a a conglomerate of things, like what I felt like I was missing.

SPEAKER_05 28:01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_08 28:03

And I think the biggest thing that taught me how to love was when you feel like you're gonna lose who you love. Then you start to pay attention to like certain things that okay, this did make her this okay. She liked it. So when people say you can't, if it's not in you, it's not in you, like you were saying. No, it is.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

No, I agree. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_08 28:25

It is, but you just gotta want it.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Yep.

SPEAKER_08 28:27

Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

So you gotta be willing to change. Like you gotta be willing to listen to your partner and say, hey, maybe I'm gonna be uncomfortable at first, but let me just see how it goes. But if you're not willing to do it at all, it's like, what are we doing here?

SPEAKER_08 28:39

The biggest part of to me and learning how to love is learning how to listen.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Oh, and I think I was gonna say that you listen.

SPEAKER_08 28:46

Yeah, that's even beyond. Let me hit it.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Yeah, you do listen, you do have to listen.

SPEAKER_08 28:49

That's even beyond words, though.

SPEAKER_02 28:51

Like, listen, but it's how you're it's not just the listen, it's the it's the comprehension, yeah. Because you can listen all day. We can have a whole conversation. Yeah, we've been listening. You gotta comprehend it. Like, you got to I know listening is the easy part.

SPEAKER_08 29:07

People come to me and ask me for advice or question or help, and I give it to them and they hit me with it. I don't know if I'm gonna do all that.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Right. So it's like asking, right.

SPEAKER_08 29:17

We already got to hear what you finna do, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

And clearly that's been failing. So clearly, you're looking for other ways to change stuff, and you're still not taking it advice. So I don't what we doing.

SPEAKER_08 29:28

What are we doing? This is stupid.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

Yeah, I gotta you're not learning to grow, you just growing.

SPEAKER_08 29:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a big old ogre. Damn, but uh yeah, no, but love is it's definitely one of them things I can really say, like my kids also showed me how to love. And the reason being is because, like I said earlier, you you gotta love them all differently.

SPEAKER_05 29:53

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_08 29:53

And sometimes you don't even realize that until ain't no manual with this thing, right? And with relationships with kids with none of this stuff.

SPEAKER_05 30:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 30:01

But you just learn on the fly. Okay, that worked. Oh, okay, you like that. Oh, I could talk, okay, boom. So we're gonna let me write this down and take these notes, let me get it in. So my kids definitely showed me how to love certain ways, and then my wife showed me how to love by basically speaking on what she wanted, what she needed. And then communication, look at there, look at there, comprehension, look at there, and then I showed me how to love basically off of things that I felt like I may have been lacking, and even the things that I that I received, right? So I take a account of both of those and I put it together, not because you know, design me off of that.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

You know, he's like, I made me, yeah, self-made, uh self-made love a boy.

SPEAKER_08 30:50

Hey, you know what the hat used to say back in the day, you know. But which oh guys gift, guys gift, girl, gosh, she came to my house with that hat.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

I said, Dog, what the f so you walked in the store and got that made, huh? Okay, I'm right. I'm right.

SPEAKER_08 31:06

Listen, the one thing I'm listening, one thing I did was I think I stuck in a lot of people's head ripped free back then with my God's gift, with my shirt made with my picture on there, them thinking it's my twin with my you know, all type of stuff. And oh my god, how what happened?

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Like, oh my god, yes, literally, literally, like the twin last away.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Way back in the day. That's me. They're like, Why do you have a picture of you on your shirt? Yeah, girl, we have pillows, coasters, yeah. Right, who love me better than me?

SPEAKER_07 31:36

I'm trying to tell you, you gotta train people how to look at it. You gotta train people how to love you.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

That's true. Like, look, I'm right. We got a whole baby, and we got pillows and coasters with your picture on it.

SPEAKER_08 31:47

Okay, all right. All right, so yeah, but then they she she taught me how to look. She said put his picture on a couple things, so I did. I took a picture, put it on the wall, boom, happy. There you had a couple of that. Oh my god, yeah, that little chain on his little blue jean outfit, you know what I'm saying? Good. All right, so another subject that we're gonna talk about from one of the realest man is is this thing called forgiveness, right? Everybody have a misconception of like what forgiveness is, how it should look, what should happen afterwards, like you know, and even even myself learned again from one of the best to do it, you know what I'm saying? I can forgive you, but I ain't gonna like you no more.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

You know, so that's not my favorite word.

SPEAKER_08 32:35

What forgiveness? Why it's not you know why it's not why why why wait? Let me ask you, why is that not your favorite?

SPEAKER_02 32:42

I just I don't know. I just feel like when it goes when it go that far, it's like it's like I can forgive, I but I never forget, right? So it still live rent-free in the back of my mind always.

SPEAKER_08 32:51

So that's why I'm like but does it matter who the person is though? It really don't I mean I guess it does. I was about to say, because your kids do stuff to piss you off every time.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it matters the person, I think it matters the situation. Yeah, I think it's the situation.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Yeah, I think it matters the offense, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

Yeah, I think it's the situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Because some stupid shit like you ain't do your chores or like something like that, that ain't like yeah, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

You know what I'm saying? That's not what's living rent-free, it's the the serious shit that I'm crying for that I'm you know though, that the yeah, that's why I think it's the offense, not the person.

SPEAKER_08 33:23

But and and so in light of that, right? There's something that I know happened back in the day with myself that could have been on the other side of that fence, yeah, but it was with family, right? And they were able to look and say, you know what, I know it was a mistake you good. Yeah, which the act was a mistake and it never happened again, right? But yeah, if it could have put you in a in a position where I I can't pay rent now, or I can't do this, or now I'm in a bad, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It depends on the offense.

SPEAKER_08 34:00

Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

So if you would have put that person in a situation where they couldn't pay their rent or pay what oh, you didn't know. That's what we're saying if we did.

SPEAKER_08 34:08

That's what he did. But it was a they were able to forgive because of our relationships, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? And because I was still young and it was a bunch of different, you know, variables.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

I do I do think it depends on the age too. Like if you like super young and you do some dumb shit, it's like okay. But if we like 30s and 40s and you still doing dumb shit, it's like you know what I'm saying? Like if we teenagers, okay, whoop de-doo, you stole this money from you know what I'm saying, whatever. But like we older, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Cause I feel like if Taz, if Taz takes something he ain't supposed to, you of course he's gonna get in trouble. But if the oldest takes something he ain't supposed to, that's gonna be a whole different, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_08 34:46

Like like my my little brother, I remember when I was young. I remember like yesterday, I had this little pink wallet. Don't ask me why I was pink, if all I could afford. That's all they had. But but I had $250 inside this wallet because I was going to see the point. And I done I done hustled this money up. It's in the wallet. I put the wallet up under my bed because we you know we're going tomorrow. Wake up the next day, it's gone. My little brother took it. Oh, I'm hated. Oh, but that was like one of the biggest offense toward me at this time. Yeah, right. So I'm like, man, I ain't never gonna forget cuz, man. I don't want to be around none of that. Like, you ain't even my brother.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Yeah, we just a lot of money when we're younger, too. Yeah, especially when you had plans for it.

SPEAKER_08 35:35

Yeah, it didn't, but that's but the thing is that it didn't last long. Yeah, I want to say two, three days later. Yeah, I mean, somebody ended up giving me some money back. Yeah, it wasn't a 250, but it was enough for me to still have fun while I was out there and all that. But everything was still smooth. Yeah, this same brother didn't hit me in the head with a uh uh a leg, a table leg, a table leg, the same brother didn't try to set us on fire.

SPEAKER_05 36:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 36:04

The same brother didn't yeah, he was he was out there, but he was bad. I'm like, oh he was bad, but it was all able to be forgiven because of the relationship and the love that was already developed. Yeah, there's some people that that will offend you and they don't get that. And I don't know if it's because maybe they don't have the equity in relationships like that, so they don't have the bandwidth to either to do that type of stuff. Even our parents, we give our parents a lot of wiggle rolls, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We give them a lot before before we cut you off completely. We give you a lot of wiggle roll. I agree, you know what I'm saying? But the average Joe, maybe you've been in a relationship for a year, two years, even five years, you like, eh? No, this ain't that, yeah. Right. So this person said that they're struggling with something that people keep telling them should be easy. I hate that word, yeah. Because it shouldn't be easy. So don't tell me that's it. That part, I'll just say anything that's words, it's not easy. All right, so my ex hurt me in one of the worst ways imaginable. They lied, they hid things from me, and they broke my trust over and over and over. You could just do two, but it's okay. You can give me all three of them. They wanted to have a bad thing. They they owned up to what they did, they apologized, got counseling, changed their circle. That's a big one, and have been trying to prove they're a different person. The crazy part is I believe they really changed. I don't hate them anymore. I pray for them, I genuinely forgive them, but every time we try to get back together, I feel like I'm forcing myself to become someone I'm not anymore. I don't look at them with excitement. I don't look at them, I know I'm sorry, I don't look at them with excitement, I look at them with memories. I don't hear I don't hear their promises, I hear the lines that came before them. I don't question whether they've changed, I question whether my heart can ever feel safe with them again. They keep saying, don't let the past control our future. But I feel like the past changed me. People keep telling me if you really forgive them, then you you give them another chance. I don't think that's true. Can you forgive someone completely and still know that they're no longer the person you meant to build a future with, or am I letting the pain win?

SPEAKER_05 38:48

Talk about it. That's kind of beast.

SPEAKER_08 38:54

So I I'll start by saying it's hard to answer completely because we don't know the ins and outs of it, you know, what happened, right? Yeah, but no, but I will say and over. I will say the first thing you probably gotta do is block out the outside noise. No, for real. Everybody's gonna have an opinion on what you should do, yeah, as if they are living within your body, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 39:25

And if your real friend's telling you to let that shit go, they're not your real friends. I'm gonna tell you that. Yeah, who would ever tell you, like, nah, like yeah, especially if it we don't know the time span though, but especially if you've been with a person for a long time, like you can't just let that go like that easy, like yeah, uh so listen, KD.

SPEAKER_08 39:48

Talk to me, talk to them. What you feeling about this, what you hearing, what you what's what's going through your head.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

A lot. So that's funny. So somebody asked me yesterday, like, how you make forgiveness look so easy? Like, I know some of the stuff y'all been through, and you just be loving on him, y'all just be all lovey dovey.

SPEAKER_08 40:07

And I told her shout out to Tammy Walker Flockers X. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

What go ahead, yes. So I told her, I said, forgiveness is a choice every day, right? You wake up, you choose to forgive, and you move on with your day. On days where you've been triggered or something like you feel uneasy, either you could talk about it or you need a breath, you know, but you still gotta make the choice every day to forgive. And if you're in a space where you don't want to forgive, then don't. But don't say you do, you know what I'm saying? Don't say I forgive you for all of these things that you've done, and in all actuality, you ain't forgave shit, right? Because that's a dangerous place to be in, too, because now he's moving regular and you moving in a place of this this like distrust and like a scare place, so you got to be able to communicate your feelings, and the person, like, well, when I try, it's like either you're gonna forgive me or you're not. I said, right, and then when they say that, you say, Well, I'm not, don't say, 'Okay, I forgive you.' Just to get have the discussion over with. You got to have the hard conversations. Yeah. Also, forgiveness doesn't always look like being with the person.

SPEAKER_08 41:18

That's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Forgiveness just looks like what you did is what you did. We can move past it, but we can't be together anymore.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Because I don't want to be with you, don't mean that I don't forgive you. It just means that I don't want to be in that place with you anymore. We could be friends, we could kick it, we can hang out or not.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

But we can't be romantically involved anymore.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

Yeah. I feel like you, if if the person is taking accountability for what has happened, y'all did the work to put it back together. Like the I feel like the pain probably will never like all the way go away. Cause I mean, I don't know. I don't know if it's just us as women, like we remember shit. So we we will forgive, but we can't forget it. But if, like she said, if you are willing to work on it and work past it, you can't keep bringing that shit up. You can't keep yes or no. You're gonna be with me, yes or no? You gonna forgive me, yes or no? We're gonna get over this shit yet. That's not that easy, right? It takes time, like it takes a lot of time to get over some serious shit.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

So we don't know the time span, but yeah, that shit, that's a and you can have triggers, like a song could take you back to like, damn, I remember when this song was playing, this happened, and it's just a trigger. It don't mean I don't forgive you, it's just that this moment took me back to that place. So now I gotta come out of that place again. It could be a song, a smell, a date, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Uh you know, like the person I was talking to last night, she was like, I found out about something on on someone's birthday. So now every time this person's birthday comes around and this other person is MIA, it's like, yeah, are you really with this person like you said you were before, or are you doing something else? You know what I'm saying? Right. So I'm like, those are the things that you gotta do, you gotta figure out for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 43:04

This is such a sense, it's such a such a sensitive situation, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:08

And I think it works different for everybody, right? So for me, my go-to in this situation is I force myself to do both. Yeah, I need to forgive and forget. Yeah, I don't want to remember it.

SPEAKER_02 43:24

See, that's why I think it's different with women, though.

SPEAKER_08 43:26

Yeah, and the reason why I don't want to remember it, yeah, is we don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 43:31

No, no, we don't want to.

SPEAKER_08 43:33

Like I force myself to not connect things together. So with our grandbaby, right?

SPEAKER_01 43:37

Because you carp what's that where you be used? Yeah, you do that. I can't do it, but I can't even say it.

SPEAKER_08 43:43

My thing is with like my grandbaby was the hardest one, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of the actual date is so con it's connected to me.

SPEAKER_03 43:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:51

So it's like okay, I guess I can't forget this.

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:56

But I feel like it's been times where if I don't forget it. Then every time I see you, I'ma still have a a piece of resentment towards you, right? So I think about people like my mom, who had a period in my life where I had to like, let's forget all this happened.

SPEAKER_03 44:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:14

You know what I'm saying? Just so just so that I can move forward.

SPEAKER_03 44:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:19

Because even though your decisions may have been different, it's all you knew at the time. Right. So I can make excuses, I can do whatever, but I usually try to forget because I don't like dates, things, events, or none of that that have power over me and my emotions that's gonna just change it in a in a dime like that, right? Situations happen in a relationship, and I just I put it out of my head. Even with like I have people who were considered friends, right? I joke about it a lot, but it'd be some truth in the joke, but all in all, it's all forgiving because technically I I forgot about all of it anyway. You know what I'm saying? So not only did I forgive you, I just forgot, but for show purposes, we ain't gonna keep putting it on. You know, I'm gonna take it to that next level every time. But uh what I said that I said that yesterday and let y'all use this these words often, all night.

SPEAKER_07 45:18

I was like, okay. I just gonna keep okay, right in front of me, huh?

SPEAKER_08 45:23

But that was cool because I forgave him and I forgot and I don't care. You know what I'm saying? It's over with.

SPEAKER_05 45:27

But moving on.

SPEAKER_08 45:29

That might have been that might be a thing that I do as well, is is I kind of remove the emotion from it. I try to put some kind of logic to it. Because it's to me, I think the hardest thing to explain is emotion.

SPEAKER_05 45:41

That's true.

SPEAKER_08 45:41

You know what I'm saying? It's hard to put some emotions into words where you can explain it. So to get away from it, I just remove the emotion from it. You know what I'm saying? And that helps me to win in that area. Because my goal in every situation is to put it into a question for him and then answer it. So if I can't put this into a question for him and the emotions is is something that you can't put questions on. So you that's why you how long you gonna I know how long you're gonna feel how long you're gonna feel like this. I don't know. You can't put a question on it.

SPEAKER_01 46:15

Yeah, that's what the girl said last night, like her person, like you should have been over that. I'm like, well, you nobody can put a time limit on you know on your situation, but you should decide, like you can't be five years later still talk up to you.

SPEAKER_02 46:30

That's what I was saying. That's what I was saying to her.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

And I think for her, it's like time span. She it's like she keep finding out old shit. Oh, but it's old, but it's new to me, it's new to her, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you did do this 10 years ago, but I just found out today, yeah. So whereas you feel like I should be over it because it was 10 years ago, I'm not over it because it's today years old to me. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:57

But then so that was 10 years ago. How long do we got a harper on this then? I mean, I know it's no time span, right? But so that happened 10 years ago. So we still and two years later still talk about this same shit. That shit is not gonna work, but it's just not gonna work.

SPEAKER_08 47:09

I get this often with like people who come to coaching, right? And they be like, Well, I act like this because I ain't have a dad.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

Oh, that's the worst thing. I act like this because my mom went around. All right, it's like excuses for that. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_08 47:21

And and that's my thing is stop putting these excuses on things that you don't have control over.

SPEAKER_02 47:26

Yeah, guess what? You're gonna be single, or somebody you're gonna be single every time.

SPEAKER_08 47:30

Well, you're gonna keep choosing to be hurt, yeah, yeah. Like it's almost like you're looking for her, right? We see it on a regular without putting the people's information out there. We see it on the regular to where you keep searching for hurt, yeah. And I don't understand why.

SPEAKER_01 47:47

I don't understand why you you constantly keep searching for hurt, or they or they adapt to what they heard somebody else say. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, my youngest son got that bad. Like, he like prime example, he kept misbehaving in the beginning of the school year, kept misbehaving. I'm like, dog, what is wrong with you? I feel like we're going back to third grade all over again. What the fuck is going on? And he heard his dean say, you know what? I think the problem is he's used to he's used to manipulating one teacher. So this year he was his first year of middle school, so he was in sixth grade. So this was his first year of changing classes, so now he got five and six different teachers, and you can't manipulate five and six different people. He heard him say that. So when he came home, I said, Dog, what is your problem? Why you can't get your shit together? You know, I think it's because I gotta have different teachers, and I can I don't know everybody's personality. I said, So you're gonna say verbatim with what Dean, what the dean said to me when we was on the phone, and he was like, No, I didn't hear him say that. You definitely heard him say it because you saying verbatim, yeah, but because he gave him an excuse, now he's using it, he like, oh yeah, I'm running with this. So I think people do that too. Like, so many people have probably told somebody, like, you probably like that because your mom ain't love on you, right? Or you probably like that because your daddy wasn't in your life, yeah. So now they just adapted that excuse instead of trying to fix it, yeah. Because you can't be 50 years old talking about you don't know how to love somebody because your mama didn't hug you when you was a kid. Yeah, come on, bro.

SPEAKER_08 49:18

That's that's an excuse, and that's the thing. Like, I see it often. I remember back in my infidelity moments, right? When I would get caught up, and Katie was like, Yeah, I seen the no, I seen what you said in your text messages, and I seen, and I was like, yo, you got caught every time.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

I just the thing though.

SPEAKER_08 49:39

My question then still stands today when you went looking, was the what's the the mentality? If I find this, yeah, I'm what is it? Or is it if I find this, I'm gonna be hurt.

SPEAKER_02 49:56

Honestly, that's how I stopped looking though. Like at first, when when I got into the long-term relationships, like I would go through phones, I would go through shit, but then after seeing shit, I'm like, what the I ain't doing nothing but getting hurt. So I just stopped.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

This is stupid.

SPEAKER_02 50:09

Yeah, so I just stopped going through shit. Now if shit came to me, that's different, right? Yeah, because I was I was going through phones, I was checking histories on the computers, like, and then every time I'm finding something, every time, like you know what? Because what I'm going, I ain't going nowhere. This is unless you find something that's just like you know what I'm saying, you got a baby back somebody, nigga. That's it. Don't go too far with the shit, booky, but not shit.

SPEAKER_01 50:30

No, for real.

SPEAKER_02 50:32

But I mean, infidelity, I feel like a lot of relationships go through that. I don't feel like that's a it's not a killer for a relationship for me, it's not a breakage for me, but I just stopped doing it. Like, I just stopped doing it completely. Like, I'm not doing nothing but hurting myself, like tearing shit. I used to be bad too. I used to be tearing shit up, all the little love letters I used to write, find them bitches, tear everything up and then leave them on a dresser so you see I tell bitch. You fuck this shit.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

Setting pictures on fire and shit.

SPEAKER_02 50:59

Yeah, I used to be there, so I just stopped. Like, it's because I'm not going nowhere.

SPEAKER_08 51:03

So yeah, yeah, that's my butt.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

That's a hard thing to do because it's hard not to go through a phone when you see it right there. Like, bitch, I'm going through this bitch. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? I mean, at some point, I gotta be like, I gotta choose myself.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

Nah, that bitch should be blowing up. I'm blowing up your phone ringing, your phone ringing. You want to bring it to you so you can answer it because it's getting on my nerves.

SPEAKER_02 51:25

No, I'm never answering another.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

I turn that bitch off while I go through it.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Swear to god. She's gonna come to you if it's supposed to. Yeah, you ain't gotta go see it. And that's the thing.

SPEAKER_08 51:34

I feel like when it just shows up like that, then it's something that you is you have to know. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but if you literally going to look for it, yeah, if you look for a job, you're gonna find it.

SPEAKER_02 51:46

And it's just part of growth, too. Yeah, it's just part of growth.

SPEAKER_08 51:49

My thing would be like, and I feel like this wholeheartedly, even if I don't find that you're cheating, yeah, I'm going to find something that I don't like.

SPEAKER_03 51:58

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 51:59

And then that's gonna change the relationship, maybe not for the worse, yeah, but still not for the best.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

And it's probably gonna be something that you must understand too. It's gonna be some shit. You'd be like, what the fuck? And then she explained it, you'll be like, Oh, right. Oh, okay. And then in your head though, you already broke up. You're like, No, this nigga done. I already broke up in my head.

SPEAKER_08 52:17

I remember I done bought another house for everything.

SPEAKER_00 52:21

We already done, sure.

SPEAKER_08 52:22

I told you, I remember seeing something, and then like, you know what? This ain't even me, but I don't like that. Like, that's what made me come to the conclusion. Like, why do you why would you do this? Why would this be intentional for you? If you just stumble across it, just one thing, but for this to be intentional to you, you yeah, like you just sabotaging your your own health and sanity and health and happiness and every time, every time, though, not sometimes, every time.

SPEAKER_02 52:45

If you're gonna find something that you're gonna be like, hold on, this this bitch was cheating on me. Like, wait, yeah. I mean, you're gonna find something that you're gonna misunderstand, and you're gonna be like, Yeah, this over, and then they explain it, but that'd be the thing because me, like, I never said nothing, or or my partner never said nothing right away, right? Me, I I mean, I can't hold mine too long, but they never say nothing until like weeks later or months later, and we're in another argument, and you bring some other shit up, and you'd be like, What the fuck is you talking about?

SPEAKER_08 53:18

Now I'm confused six years ago.

SPEAKER_02 53:20

Remember when you like wait, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 53:22

Hold on to it, you put it in your pocket like it's like a credit card.

SPEAKER_02 53:25

Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 53:26

Like, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02 53:29

I'm like, why you didn't say that then? Like, why are you bringing it up so much later?

SPEAKER_08 53:33

Katie, Katie was the queen of this too. We used to talk about it. Uh she would hold some stuff and she'd be like, You did this, you did, and you did. And I was like, Wait a minute, what I don't even hold this shit for that long. I can't even give you an excuse for none of that. I don't even remember that.

SPEAKER_00 53:48

You don't even remember it's so long.

SPEAKER_08 53:50

I can't even combat none of that. Maybe you're right. I don't know. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 53:54

Yeah, that's like the worst.

SPEAKER_08 53:55

But when it comes down, you know what the hardest thing about this situation to me is I feel like sometimes whatever happened, yeah, they may be embarrassed to let it go. Especially if the world know if anybody not the one person that you know can know, and they can be an important person and they consider the world, the world know. That's true, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 54:21

So if the world knows now, or if social media knows if social media know, y'all broke up. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

They're gonna be judged for the socials of the media.

SPEAKER_02 54:29

So you got back with him after that? So you took that nigga back. That's you dumb as fuck.

SPEAKER_08 54:33

So let me ask y'all this are y'all willing to maybe not be as happy as you could be in life, knowing that if you get back with this person, this person said, I seen the change. This he is not the same person. I see the same.

SPEAKER_01 54:45

But the person also said they're not the same person, right?

SPEAKER_08 54:48

But what I'm saying is you see the change, you see that they change the circle, they change everything about what they got going on. Yeah, they evolve, they learn from their situation. Yeah, so part of you want to get back with him, but you're willing to be at the level that you at now. This could be your forever person, but you're willing to not even try it because it you're embarrassed. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_05 55:14

I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 55:15

Is that is that it is that way the same? Does it weigh the same? Are you willing to let that be like, nah, I'm not, I'm not finna.

SPEAKER_02 55:24

I mean, probably. That's something like I don't know. It depends on how like the situation, like how long we're happening, like I don't think I would let like other people dictate my future though, right? So it would have to be me, not me seeing some shit that I don't like or me seeing it you change for the worst, right? Yeah. So if you say we both change, cool, we can change and be better, right? Learning and growing, whatever. But if you change and you still doing worse than what the fuck you was doing, like I don't I don't I don't want to do that. Yeah, I don't care who knows and who don't. I don't I don't think the world mattered to me. But yeah, if you doing some shit I don't like, I'm like, and then like the person didn't even say like what the other person did, right?

SPEAKER_01 56:06

Yeah, that's the point. But we don't know the level of violation.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

That's what I'm saying. You just don't know it might work because that's important. If it's like dumb shit, it's like, yeah, you can we can't tell people they could probably get over it, but you can work through some things faster than you know, cheating. You can work through like physical abuse, that would be another one that you like. That's what I'm saying. Like, she's not like the level of the situation, like and they just like nah.

SPEAKER_01 56:32

But she said, or he said it, but what they said was like I can't, even though I see the change, I see it, whatever, whatever happened in their relationship changed who that person was. Yeah, so they're not even the same person, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 56:46

Right. So but they also said because every even though I see you change when I look at you, I still see the old you. I see the I see the memories. So I have to let that go for a little bit. Is there a way to delete memories out your head like it is on the computer?

SPEAKER_00 57:03

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 57:04

You know, computers are built built like us, you know what I'm saying? They can and if you know computers, you know you can never really delete stuff, it can always be found.

SPEAKER_02 57:13

Yep, so pull all that shit back up. That's our memory is we pull that shit back up, like Nikki. I remember, oh yeah, I can't get over that shit.

SPEAKER_01 57:20

That's where I remember 1976.

SPEAKER_06 57:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:26

So I mean, I gotta be be willing to put that time in or let that shit go for real. Like, you gotta be willing to get not get over it, but you gotta be willing to heal through it together.

SPEAKER_01 57:36

Because if you don't, you're just gonna be harpering and feeling still because what they talked about is everything the other person did, which you everything they did to fix whatever, right? What did this person do to work on the healing process? It takes two, yeah. That's what I'm saying. If they work, if they worked on their flaws and they worked on their violations, they take two, and they're coming changed. But you what have you done? Did you go to counseling? Did you talk to somebody? Did you get over how you felt or however you was violated? Or you just you just want that person to change, come to you different while you come to them the same.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

Yeah, maybe they need like some couples counseling, yeah. They need to work on that together, then individually as well. So try to work on it first.

SPEAKER_08 58:16

For me, I had to learn how to uh divide myself in a way where because I was literally getting pissed whenever I was being pulled back to the person who I was, yeah. Because you you did this, and you, you know what I'm saying? So I gotta so you keep pulling it back. Yeah, so I had to divide myself, like, okay, I can hear you say this and know that that was a different hill. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So that way, apparently, this is something that she needs to get off her chest and out of her system, right? Yeah, absolutely. So she gotta say it. Now, I don't know how many months, years, and and that's I'm like, but I can go back to it.

SPEAKER_02 58:54

Right, it's gotta be a stipulation.

SPEAKER_08 58:56

At some point, we gotta say, let's go. You you dating me. You want to go back exactly.

SPEAKER_02 59:00

You want me to go back to him, or you what you what we don't do?

SPEAKER_08 59:03

What we don't here so you know, all right, bet man. So the question, and then I'm gonna leave you guys with.

SPEAKER_00 59:12

Not just point at the camera. Oh, the camera. Not y'all.

SPEAKER_08 59:16

Not y'all over here, but y'all. Can you truly forgive someone and still know that you're not supposed to be with them? Oh is forgiveness the thing that will always bring you back to another chance. Let us know in the chat, man, while we talk about this. Go ahead, let them know. Talk to them. How can they find us? How can they hear us? How can they follow us? All of that good stuff.

SPEAKER_02 59:44

You can listen to us on my favorite platform, YouTube. I mean, I guess if you got the Apple Podcast, you can listen there as well. Um I high radio. What's the new one?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:00

Buzzsprout.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:01

Buzzsprout. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:02

Buzzsprout is actually, we got a website on Buzzsprout. So you can go and click on there and just get busy. Leave us a message, comment, all that. We we it send me a text message right away and I hit get right back with you. So what they do, buzzprout.com forest class relationship reality podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:22

That's dope. You can also listen wherever you get your podcast. We're everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

We're everywhere, you're never there. You can follow me at your girl.kd. You can follow Kiki at rrp.kiki, you can follow coach dtm at coachdm. You can follow the podcast page at rrp network.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:40

All right, and the message that you would take with you today and forever. Forever is forgiveness says you hurt me, but you don't get to own me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:54

Oh, damn. Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:58

And with that being said, I am the one and only Coach DTM.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:02

Your girl Katie. Your hostess with the most is Kiki.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:05

And this has been another episode of Relationship Reality Podcast. We will see you next week. Peace. So long. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:20

Goodbye to my friends.