RRP 6-7-26 (Wife Benefits, Girlfriend Effort?)

This week on Relationship Reality Podcast, we’re diving into two situations that have the internet split and relationships under a microscope.  First, a man admits he’s fallen deeply in love with his girlfriend’s children and has become the father figure they’ve never had. The problem? He’s no longer sure he wants to be with their mother. Is it selfish to leave a relationship when walking away means losing kids you’ve helped raise? Or is staying for the children setting everyone up for even more heartbreak?  Then, we tackle a situation that has everybody debating expectations and entitlement. A woman accepts $300 from a man for groceries, but when he asks her to make him lunch the next day, she shuts it down, saying she only cooks for her kids and her husband… even though she doesn’t have one. Was the money a genuine gift with no strings attached, or was there an unspoken expectation of reciprocity? At what point do generosity and obligation start getting confused?  Tonight we’re asking the hard questions:  • Can you love the children but no longer love the relationship? • Are “wife benefits” reserved for wives only? • Does accepting help create expectations? • And how much should someone give before they expect something in return?  Get ready for real talk, uncomfortable truths, and opinions that might have you arguing with your spouse, your friends, and the comment section.  Talk About It… OK?! 🎙️🔥

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Uh, we take the call, we take the call, we take the call, and we know we did it on it.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, we got one in the store, I think the store for the colour that we take on the house. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'll get away, stop in Jimmy. Oh, it's been it, we own it. Money I can own it with the block and the case, kick them out.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

Oh, she's like is your pay, is your house with the monsters and ski.

SPEAKER_05 1:50

Well, no, you know, it's your boy coach, D T M AKA Pure Motivation, I am History Energy. Anybody love me? I don't have land. So you gotta respect it. Never get a hold of it. Never if you know me, if you know that I'm more than a savage, you love that life and the learning about which only conclusions, or no conclusion.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

If you see somebody nuts, it's an illusion.

SPEAKER_06 2:14

What up?

SPEAKER_05 2:16

Welcome, welcome, welcome back to another episode of Relationship Reality Podcast. Will you get your daily dose of relationships and reality? Talk about it. Alright, listen. Um we missed y'all, man. We missed y'all. You know what I'm saying? We done had. Now, to keep it going, got a special guest y'all didn't know nothing about, man. Can you let the strippers in for me real quick? Oh, never mind. Ain't no strippers. All right, cool. I thought you were gonna bring the strippers in. I had them on the outside with never mind.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

That woke us up. We like, huh?

SPEAKER_05 3:15

No strippers. All right, bet, bet. But listen. Oh my goodness. The next few, the next new podcast episode that you're gonna see, you'll probably see one, two, or three of us may or may not be all the way in it because this is the month of June. And then if you don't know, in the month of June, we turn up all the way. We didn't have graduates, we didn't have um, we didn't have birthdays. Oh my goodness, we didn't have uh what else do we have?

SPEAKER_04 3:45

We had a little bit of listen, and listen we only a few days in the month, we still got the whole month to go.

SPEAKER_05 3:52

Still got the whole thing to go, man. Okay. So um somebody asked a question, they wanted me to bring it to the car. So I just want to get y'all intake on this here. Where this is a true product question. Where are some of the best places and worst places to shoot your shot? We'll start with the best places first. Some of the best places that you think are to shoot your shot or to get somebody to come at you.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

I would say just out and about. I feel like it really don't matter where you go, it's it's the approach. Like how you the delivery to me. Like you a yo yo yo yo, I don't care who we are. You never I mean excuse me, young lady.

SPEAKER_05 4:53

Uh ma'am, I thought you for a second, ma'am. Oh my god. You better use all that bridge guy? What? That's not a good thing. What'd you say, Katie? Just from your experience of being around the world and uh yeah, yeah.

unknown 5:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:17

Wait, what would you think some of the best places are?

SPEAKER_03 5:20

I would say wherever you at. I think a bad place would be like a funeral or like a like a list.

SPEAKER_04 5:27

No, for real. Yeah. I think like weddings would be like a like I get on hit on a lot at like the classes that I take at like New Band and stuff. So that's I'm like, mm-hmm. We are for the same reason, motivating, and I love it.

SPEAKER_05 5:43

So here are the top four spots that are considered the best places um from more of a male perspective. And that's what me going around kind of asking questions, right? The first one was the airport, yeah. And the reason that they gave the airport is because that's one of the spots where you got a lot of time to kind of borrow. Y'all like y'all, you travel a lot, like everything on the list that I've seen from these four are things that we have in common.

SPEAKER_04 6:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see I can see it though. So I'm irritated at the time. I travel a lot. I'm irritated at the air. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to catch this, I'm ready to get there. I'm irritated. I already got a beer or two out there, and I don't know if the reading work in the morning, but I'm not really a morning person.

SPEAKER_05 6:26

Why don't you try to talk to me every time? The next one on the list is uh sporting events. Oh especially if you are a big sports fan, you see somebody there, you're like, oh maybe that's in common. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Um the next one, number three, was networking events. Like Kiki just said. Yeah. Um and then the last one on the list, unfortunately, this won't do nothing for Kiki because she don't do this herself. She got you know people that do it for but it's um the grocery store. She she she sourced out for that. She sourced out for that right there.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

I'll be trying to be in and out if I do go. But that is a good place though.

SPEAKER_05 7:09

Now the top four worst spots to shoot your shot. All these were kind of funny, and two of them are kind of in the same category, but the first one y'all said it already.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Yeah, you said I can't get hit on at the gas station. Like, no.

SPEAKER_05 7:30

So if somebody offered to pump your gas and just being hit on?

SPEAKER_04 7:33

Yes, because it eventually, yes, it's not gonna stop at I'm letting it pump your gas like what you doing back around. It's always it's never stopped because I let somebody do it one time, right? I'm like, oh yeah, pay for it and everything. Then you expect the number, and then I'm like, hold on, wait. Oh, this is where this was gone. So every time after that, I'm like, oh, this okay.

SPEAKER_05 7:56

A lot of times that I look and I just get pissed off, especially when I see the dude sitting on a pattern's side and the girl pumping the gas.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

Yeah, that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 8:03

And I just be like, I'll be one to say, I can pump your gas for you real quick. So you can show this jump. Not in the realm I don't it's not even like a flirting thing, it's like a learning of a lesson type situation for me. Like, what are you doing? But all right, the second one on the list was at the hospital. Um the third one on the list I thought was kind of hilarious, but at a divorce hearing.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

What?

SPEAKER_05 8:32

Oh wow, heard you were single now. Heard you were single with popping.

SPEAKER_04 8:39

That's a real flag. No.

SPEAKER_05 8:41

And then the last one on the list was at a repass. Now my question is for the funeral and the repass, sometimes we go to the funeral, but we're not really emotionally involved like that. We just know the person, yeah. Yeah, so if there's two people in that same stand for a catapult, I almost think that might be all right, especially if you might have seen this person before in passing, you're like, huh, wait a minute, how you been? And then you just start reconnecting like that. But if it's somebody that's an idiot, you cry, I come through, like, hey, slay your head on my shoulder. When I'm the most vulnerable, yeah, definitely right here. Red flag. All right, bad, bad. So uh before we jump into this part of the thing, man, let me ask you a quick question. Oh about it. Busy about it, definitely busy.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

We had a busy weekend weekend, okay. We celebrated my guy's son's graduation. It was so beautiful too. Like, I've never experienced a graduation at Shane Park. What is it called now? Yeah, it's always gonna be Shane Park, but it was so beautiful. Yeah, yeah. It's like good vibes out there. Yeah, and it was packed. So I was I was happy to see it was like over 400 people graduating.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

Like how amazing is that beautiful right there, because I can remember the last graduation. It wasn't I don't even think it was a hundred.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

What that was like 115 or 20. That's what we're talking about with uh the oldest regular. Yeah, yeah, it was it was and that was including their uh online virtual, virtual, yeah, online. I was like, we gotta do better.

SPEAKER_05 10:32

We gotta do better. But this one right here was a good deal. The crazy thing is if you hear the school and the location on paper, yeah, you think negatively. But when you get in the inside and you see that it's a lot of uh black male figures that that's walking around, even with the um elementary school that my kids go to, there's a lot of black figures, yeah, male figures that I think the president needed, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so that school is dope.

SPEAKER_04 11:05

That school is so dope.

SPEAKER_05 11:07

And they said that I can't remember the number, but they said they how many districts they say they covered?

SPEAKER_04 11:11

It was a lot, let me say like 47 cents. It was crazy. When they bust kids out of the district, like everywhere, that is crazy. Like we want your kids to come to school, so I don't care where you are, we won't come to live either. And I met uh somewhere I've never heard of like uh the kids that want to play sports and stuff, they bust on that's our corrective tutoring. They are they they ask like where did you get the money to do that, right?

SPEAKER_05 11:39

Like you really owns the bus system. He was running for mayor too, but he was more of a writer in Canada, so he didn't really get that part of his go. Okay, but his his view and his takes on like why he got into that type of business, it kind of aligned with what they got going on, you know what I'm saying? Like we we just want to make it happen, you know what I'm saying? So I think he said he had like 98 bus that he ran on a regular and I'm like that.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

Because that school district wasn't always good, like I was great's doctor, it wasn't always diverting subject. They can't go the wrong way, like I love it. I love what they do with the whole school you know here.

SPEAKER_05 12:22

So shout out to I'm gonna go ahead and give it a river.

SPEAKER_08 12:28

Yeah, it's dope.

SPEAKER_05 12:30

Shout out to the knees girl keep showing that you actually care about the school. I love that other folks who just coming in and get a check. Absolutely. That's a big thing. Um yeah, graduation was a good idea. It wasn't really a lot of riff. We got one little incident, it got shut down quickly.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

That was quite great to see anything. Um but it was after, so we closed.

SPEAKER_05 12:59

Shout out to having uh a new teenager in our life, you know what I'm saying? He moving on up, moving on up.

SPEAKER_04 13:08

My baby turned 30.

SPEAKER_05 13:10

Yeah, I saw him doing his baby out here. Shout out to him.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

He had a good time in the morning.

SPEAKER_05 13:18

Yeah, he did. He did I was looking at his uh TikTok and like I said, I said, God, why are you jumping to shoot this boy? And you're jumping over the machine. Like, oh Mario. So yeah, no, they they definitely had a ball, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I was kicking it with Mario on the week yesterday.

SPEAKER_04 13:42

First of all, that was probably the longest birthday party that I've ever been to. From like 2 30 to like 8 30. Like, what were we doing here for that long? Yeah, and then we had an after party, but what we literally were there, like we kept saying, where the kids at kids didn't even want to leave. I'm like, oh my god, right.

SPEAKER_05 14:04

And the environment of the spot was good, the staff was the first time.

SPEAKER_04 14:08

The service was cool. No, the service was cool.

SPEAKER_05 14:11

The service wasn't that good, but the environment was good.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

We had the box, we had a good time. And then even the adults, okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:20

Even even the one server was pretty engaging, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think she kind of tried to fix it a little bit from the other servers that was there, but yeah, yeah, yeah. She was dope. Shout out to her.

SPEAKER_04 14:32

She did the best she could, yeah. Um and then we okay, we gotta acknowledge the fact that DTM's birthday is coming up like late. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:47

We'll give it one day up. Yeah, it's that's dope.

unknown 14:56

All right.

SPEAKER_05 15:00

We got a lot of birthdays coming.

SPEAKER_08 15:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:03

You know, I had uh a brother and uh a nephew birthday, two brothers and a nephew birthday. And uh I got a sister birthday.

SPEAKER_04 15:13

I might get so many birthdays.

SPEAKER_05 15:14

I got a first birthday and an uncle's birthday that drops. Um I never understood marrying somebody who got my same birthday.

SPEAKER_04 15:25

Same birthday. I feel like they got a lot of comedy.

SPEAKER_05 15:30

Yeah, I want my stuff. Now this is supposed to be the only day that's all about me.

SPEAKER_04 15:35

Now shared it's about the house, not a shared birthday, and they got married on their birthday. Yeah, did they too much? Oh, but you know what? You're never gonna forget that day. Shout out to the husband who will never forget the day.

SPEAKER_05 15:50

Um unfortunately, shout out to the wife that would never forget because her memory is not the best. She would oh yeah, she didn't want to never forget.

SPEAKER_06 15:58

Shout out to her.

SPEAKER_05 15:59

I didn't see her forget her own birthday come back. Today's my birthday. Yeah, we got a we got a great aunt, we got a great aunt, and then my aunt who we got real life, brothers and sisters, and then me. It's like back to back, you know, literally, day, day, day, day. Every every year what's today? Uh yeah, yeah. You just said birthday yesterday to the other aunt now. Come on, now these if they still remember. Your birthday is Jesus' birthday. All right, so let me answer all this question, man. This this will sit down. I'm gonna read it in just a sec. When do you as women decide to this could be a potential potential husband, and then I'm gonna move like I'm a potential wife.

unknown 17:01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

I'm more girl, though. I mean, you know, I feel like as women, we know immediately like what we want from the relationship early on, I feel like. So it's like you know, like, oh no, they're probably gonna be my husband, and we get to write my name all over the place, like the little kids all over the place, you know, all that like early, like for me, but we're not even in a long-term relationship, so I don't fucking know. Right, but but I do feel like early on, like with both relationships, I knew early on, like you know what I'm like. That's what I'm trying to do. So I think it's just in you too, right? Like, as women, well, I know me personally, like watching my parents, like I'm always the nurturer. So in the relationship, I'm always gonna make the plate, I'm always gonna do this, I'm always gonna act like the one, even if I'm not the wife, I'm always gonna cater to my man. Right. So, I mean, I think it's just in some people, some people stuff.

SPEAKER_05 18:02

So, is there ever a time that you think that it should be kind of inappropriate to accept things that could be considered likely things or gifts or etc., knowing that you don't want it to go that far. Oh, like gifts, except things like that. If I get you a ring, or I'm paying your bill at the crib, or I'm taking, you know, doing stuff with your kids, etc., knowing that you don't want it to go that far, but you're still accepting it because it's hard for you to say, no, I'm not gonna take that thousand dollars. Of course I want that, of course I want that trip, of course. I want you to take my kids to the basketball camp. Why the fuck would I turn it on? That's dumb.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Now what are we looking for? Like, bless it.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

I said that's in your heart to give. I'm gonna let you. I mean, so I like your love language. I'm gonna let you give that's murky orders though. It's like you want to say no, but it's like it's in your heart to give. Okay, everything.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

But if I don't like you like that, you probably not gonna be like that.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

Well, he just sounds about period, though. Like even if it's not with the kids, he just giving you money, paying your bills, doing this, doing that.

SPEAKER_05 19:21

You doing all the things you doing all the things that you want in life, but you don't maybe you don't see him in that light, but you still accept all of the things that you want in life.

SPEAKER_04 19:33

You know what? I guess it depends on the personality because I've had people doing that before, and I'll be like, like today, be people, let me get your hair down. Let me I turn that down, right? Like if I'm dating you, yes, like for intention, yeah. But just regular guys that I know just never what you can do. Take me to eat. What can you do? You can take me to eat. Okay, I don't need you to get my hair done. I don't know, I can turn it all that down, and they be like, You look good, because most women they say, look, I can get you here done, I can get you this done, I can get you. I said, No, but that's not what I want. We can go eat, like I'm never. I see her turn down right now. Oh, yeah, you turn down food.

SPEAKER_05 20:20

I'm not interested.

SPEAKER_04 20:21

Yeah, I told dog, I said she must hate you. You rub me the wrong way. You know, let me take you to lunch. She was like, No, you brought me you rub me the wrong way from the beginning, though. Like when people rub you the wrong way and it's the red flag, I'm gonna notice that. I don't even want to be gonna be working. And I'm not gonna have a good time. Like, why would I I wanna eat and have a good time though? Like, I can't just be wanna just eat and not talk. Right, right. I feel like we can't even have a good conversation together, like this. I mean, pointless even still gotta be intelligent, like have a decent conversation, right?

SPEAKER_05 20:57

All right, so this person said, What's up, RP family? I need y'all to settle with the fate because me and my friends are split down the middle. I'm a single woman with two kids. I've been talking to a guy for a few months. We're not in a relationship, we're not exclusive, and we've never discussed being boyfriend and girlfriend, but that turn it just sounds so childish to me. I like boyfriend and girlfriend. I I was thinking that too. I was thinking that too when I was reading, like, I don't know. I mean, you do a little nostalgia type of you already mind, but I'm gonna ask you, you know, you might out of time, you're my girlfriend, but you know, at that point you already hit, you know. But all right, so last week I mentioned that money was tight and groceries were expensive out of nowhere. He just got me $300 and told me to make sure me and the kids had food. I thanked him and thought it was uh I thanked him and thought that that was the end of it. Then the very next week He asked me if I could make him once to work. I told him, I politely told him, I only cook for my kids and my husband. Oh. Now he's upset. Oh. She doesn't have a husband no more. She's saying that's what she only wants to cook for those people, though. That's it. He said if I can accept money, a man's money, I should be willing to do something as simple as make a sandwich for lunch. He claims I'm happy to receive it. I'm happy to help, but I do want some reciprocation done as far as you showing me that you're interested in me as well. He feels like he has for something simple, right? So the argument is do is she responsible or does she have to basically make this man no? I agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

My thing is if you're gonna do something out of the kindness of your heart, do it out of the kindness of your heart, not in turn for something in return. You know what I'm saying? Like so I would have never accepted it if you wanted something in return, because that's not getting your conditions in the beginning. First of all, she was dry baby. But I'm I'm gonna don't drop babe, like you should just ask for the shit.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

I looked at it like I think when he gave it to her, maybe he didn't have no condition like that, right? Because he didn't come right back and say, Look, tomorrow, you know, I got some groceries yesterday. You make me some money. He said, I'm I gotta go to work. This was a week later. Hey, you mind making me a sandwich.

SPEAKER_04 23:41

I don't like that though, because if she wanted to do something for you, she could do it. Like, what are you asking for? Maybe she don't feel like you said, maybe she don't feel the same way about it.

SPEAKER_05 23:49

So she she showed you she showed you right there. So to me, I would say, okay, remove all next expectations. Stop giving her money, yeah. You can still give it. No, just don't expect nothing back from it and just give it like you well.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

I feel like he ain't doing he wants something in return.

SPEAKER_05 24:04

Charity. I feel like he ain't going to money for the right purpose. Charity. You gave her money for charity. So you know what I'm saying? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 24:15

I'm not making him nothing. I bring you lunch, but I'm not making you want me to put my herd, her in the sandwich? Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. Well, I wouldn't subway. Yeah, I'm not doing that. But I I mean, that's in the beginning, that's what I would do. Like with Lenard for sure. Like when we first met, like he was taking us to all these nice restaurants and this and that. But we weren't opposite ships. So some days I'd be like, all right, just out of the kindness, because I know you've just been doing so much. Like, yeah, I'm gonna what you want for lunch? I'm gonna bring you lunch. Like I'm not lunch, I'm not going to the grocery store and saying what you like and then just buying the change.

unknown 25:04

I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:04

I'm not fighting it. She's saying I'm not doing it. Unless we like together, right?

SPEAKER_05 25:12

That's the thing. So, like like Kiki said, I'll I'll buy you lunch. He don't want you to buy him lunch because he already I just gave you the money. Yeah, so I know you ain't got the money to buy me money. But I know you just went to the grocery store.

SPEAKER_04 25:29

But I also want to get what you like, right? So I gotta go probably if I don't have this stuff, we don't eat the same stuff. I gotta go to the grocery store and get what you like. That's a lot of work. I'm not doing all of it. I'm just what you need.

SPEAKER_05 25:43

What if what if you assume for four? What if you know you just bought a bunch of turkey meat and bread and some some some cheese?

SPEAKER_04 25:53

Yeah, I'm like, I'm she got two kids, they need the stomach.

unknown 25:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:58

I think five dollars on it. I don't know. What else do you want to show? God damn, you're not gonna get them a four for four. What should you a biggie bag? The five dollars. I upgrade your drink too.

SPEAKER_05 26:10

And next month, when you're talking about how bad brokeries are still hot, you're gonna be like, sure, yeah. I got it lunch, I can't do nothing for you. I can't give a sign. Okay, I can't do nothing for you. I can do it.

SPEAKER_04 26:23

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_05 26:25

We we were just having this conversation about somebody if I give you a hundred dollars because you asked for it, and but I want you to give me back one fifty. And if you don't, I ain't giving you a hundred no more. You gonna give me my hundred back. We were just having this conversation, yeah. So he he asked him for the to me is something like the bare minimum, and it didn't seem like based off of the time frame, that it was. I really don't even think it was all the way connected.

SPEAKER_04 26:54

Oh, but I wonder what he wants in your relationship with you.

SPEAKER_05 26:57

I think he wanna be be uh you want more than she wants. He might want to be love though, yeah. And his love language might be you showing me that you want to do stuff for me. You know what I'm saying? And when I ask just for something small and you tell me no, then you shouldn't. I can't go, I can't go for them. So I got exactly yeah, and then which which will hurt when you feel like it ain't gonna hurt as much because it's only been a few a few months, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:21

It hurt when you feel like I have to pick somebody else to do it. I'm gonna pick somebody else to do it somebody in the beginning. I'm not ever expanding.

SPEAKER_05 27:34

Ain't that when you're supposed to do it?

SPEAKER_04 27:36

What in the beginning? Yeah, I'm right now. You can't ask the wrong person. I'm gonna pick somebody else to do it.

SPEAKER_05 27:41

Because it ain't even you actually doing it, it's your representative doing it at that point.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

I'm not gonna do it though.

SPEAKER_05 27:46

I mean, I would definitely appreciate you not doing it in the first month.

SPEAKER_04 27:50

So I can't remember.

SPEAKER_05 27:52

I want to know now, so I would appreciate you not doing it now. I'm the red flag. I would rather you not do it in the beginning and then stop at the end. I'm not going on what I miss. So yeah, I would definitely appreciate that part more.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

If somebody else didn't, I'm not doing it. I could buy you whatever you wanted to eat, but I'm not, yeah. You said she only cooked for a kid. I don't have the energy. No, I'm gonna energy to cook.

SPEAKER_05 28:23

You know what it is. It also sounds like it might be a good dude. Yeah. He could be, but usually the good dudes are the ones that don't don't get uh that type of treatment.

SPEAKER_04 28:36

I wonder if he owes what you get oh the leak, like the leak early.

SPEAKER_05 28:45

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Earl, cut Mr. Earl all out.

SPEAKER_04 28:48

Yeah, he deserved.

SPEAKER_05 28:49

Oh, he was trying to go with his job.

SPEAKER_04 28:51

I'm trying to see judge matches. I'm trying to see my husband. Okay. I've been working on myself, y'all. So yesterday they tried to take me there and I didn't go there. Okay, I almost did, but I stopped. I've been working on it.

SPEAKER_05 29:11

That's what that's a that's what y'all got to do a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 29:14

A little bit, but I stopped. Okay, but I'm pulling back a little bit. I stopped. I said it's she told Le Park, she said, Hey, hey, shut the fuck up talking to her. She don't oh shit. I'm like I said that too. I'm like, she's like, you were so rude. I'm like, fuck her.

SPEAKER_03 29:31

I stopped. She's like, she didn't even call me here this morning. She did not call her. I said not call me.

SPEAKER_04 29:37

She just came to work. She just came to work. She was a pretty girl. I'm gonna need her to get you. Yeah, from the beginning though. You fuck with the right one, you're gonna get the right one, you're gonna get the right one.

SPEAKER_05 29:49

All right, so this let's move to the next job. Moving on. Have you guys ever had this situation though, right? Where you are friends with somebody or in a relationship either. You be you become connected to people that they are connected to. But now you're forced to where you seem like you're about to lose that middle connection, but you don't want to lose who they're connected to. Right? So, i.e. you can say they got kids. You started to fall in love with the kids, you've been there for years. You know, you start doing stuff for them, you're doing everything. Um, or they got parents, or they got um cousins or family, whatever on the other side that you fell in love with. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And now that this relationship is about the flood, you're at risk of losing those relationships as well. Have y'all ever been forced to something like that? I mean, I'm divorced, so of course.

SPEAKER_04 30:55

Okay. Of course, the family love me. They never stop talking, so I mean, still talking about it. Exactly. So I see that it happens.

SPEAKER_05 31:05

I can remember even for me and KD, I remember it happening even in the early stages too. I remember one of her nieces looked and we were talking about breaking up.

SPEAKER_04 31:16

And mind you like kids, like we didn't even be not like kids, y'all were kids.

SPEAKER_05 31:23

We were kids, and we, you know, we pulled up trying to have a mature conversation. We couldn't just like get out by your door, just don't say nothing no more. No, don't show up no more, just kind of disappeared. But we had this conversation, and her niece was like, So that means you're not my uncle no more. And I was like, Man, we back together. What we doing?

SPEAKER_04 31:45

Sometimes you do think about that though, when you're in a relationship, it's like you stay together because you like we invested so much, and not just ourselves, but like the whole family. Like we're gonna lose the whole family. So you stay in a little longer because you like everybody expect us to be together, like we which I think sometimes they help, but sometimes it can be dangerous.

SPEAKER_05 32:05

But I don't mean if you're in a situation you're mainly unhappy.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

You shouldn't be here.

SPEAKER_05 32:10

Yeah, you're mainly unhappy unless you're around exactly the rest of them that's making that which can sometimes be you know, swim can't swim with none throughout the week, the month, the year, whatever. But um gratefully for us, it worked. I mean, I guess I have one dog in the fight that that that kept her suck in back then, but I didn't really have a lot of dogs in the fight, you know what I'm saying, as far as her being attacked.

SPEAKER_08 32:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:41

Other than other than what we brought in this world together. So um, all right, so it says uh I need some real advice, man, because my heart is all over the place right now. I've been with my girlfriend for almost four years. She has three kids from a previous relationship, and their father is really involved. Over the years, I've become more than just her boyfriend. I'm the one helping with homework, taking them to practice, showing up to school events, and being a father figure today depend on. The problem is me and their mom have been struggling. The arguing has gotten worse, communication is terrible, and honestly, I don't know if everyone made it. But here's where I'm stuck. If I leave her, I lose those kids. Uh, the thought of never seeing them again hurts more than the thought of losing the relationship. That's great. Um they call me when they need advice. They tell me people, they tell people I'm their dad. The youngest one even told me recently, the only dad I ever really had. Part of me feels like I'm staying because I love the kids. Another part of me wonders if that's enough of a reason to stay in this relationship that may not be healthy and it may be hurting them even more. So my question is should a person stay in a relationship that no longer working because walking away means losing children that they helped raise and they love. And if the relationship ends, it's just selfish to want to remain in the kids' lives, even though they're not my violence. What do you guys think?

SPEAKER_03 34:43

That's so hard.

SPEAKER_04 34:45

This is equivalent to me, even if they were your kids, and a relationship with my healthy but the thing is, but if you're in a relationship and the kids are biologically yours, then she can't take it. You still have access to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could you still have access to whatever. But yeah, those are her kids. So if you're in a relationship, she may not you may not ever see the kids. And that's okay. That's what he's scared of to the kids because they already don't have a dad. That's what he's scared of. If you're the only dad, you know what I'm saying? That's devastating. Well, it's staying in a relationship that you're not happy with, it's toxic. Yeah, so and I know personally, I mean, not the exact scenario, but my parents were toxic together, right? And they said, yeah, we're together for the kids, right? But we are seeing y'all fight every day. We see we're hearing the arguments, we are the cheating, like we are witnessing everything firsthand. So I don't know how healthy that was, right? But I see everything, but y'all wanted to stay together for the kids, but who's this really working? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Because you're like, I don't, but I hate to see challenges break up though, right? Yeah, I couldn't imagine like my mother taking us away from the family and like how we would have turned out, yeah, right? Yeah, so it's like, huh, oh, like I'm so torn with this one.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

Yeah, yeah. It's a it's a heavy one because even in those type of relationships, in my opinion, yeah. Sometimes we're so busy arguing, we're not teaching the kids anything, but they still learn. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. And depending on the type of child that it is, yeah, that lesson could be different. So for some, it's gonna be don't get in a relationship, and this is what it's gonna be like. For others, it's gonna be this is how your relationship should be. Yeah, my mom's state, my dad's state, right? You know what I'm saying? So you you have to be able to, you know, decipher when it's time to go, when it's healthy for these kids, yeah, whether they're yours or not, right? I feel like sometimes it's important to be willing to lose who you love if it's healthy for them. And that's meaning the kids. You know what I mean? So as much as you that's so heavy, and the thing that I I always take, and I took it so I took it to heart so much, my dad used to tell me this back in the day. My dad had six kids or five different big moments, yeah. And so you can imagine he has an issue with being allowed to be present sometimes, and so for him, the easiest thing for him to do was literally detach emotionally, at least to us, yeah. Yeah, like he might not necessarily really detach inside, but to us, we see a detachment to where he was like, I'm trying to really protect myself. Sometimes that's the healthiest though, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

Yeah, sometimes the mental health, like, is real, right?

SPEAKER_05 37:46

And what he told me was as long as I'm open to this relationship, as long as you see I put forth every whatever happened after that, I guarantee you the child will be back. I was like, Oh, I took that. I'm like, I never had to use it, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've taken that, and yeah, I think I use that for regular humans, like not kids, but not my regular humans, regular humans, regular humans that not like human, yeah, but they differ kind of different kinds, so yeah, it'd be different humans that I look at like, look, let me detach from this right here. You know what I'm saying? Your spouse and me might not see out of eye. Yeah, yeah. Your decisions might not be out of eye with me apparently. So let me detach and then this is me.

SPEAKER_04 38:34

You know what I think? I think I think we should get more like therapy and help out. Because I feel like if my parents would have gone to therapy, like they probably could have worked out some of the issues, right? But back then it was so like we don't do that, we don't do that. You know what I'm saying? I don't know, I could tell my people. I feel like I feel like if you if you do that, like I say never give up until you like explore every option, right? Explore all the options first, yeah, and then like make your decision. But mental health, you gotta make sure your health is straight first.

SPEAKER_05 39:13

But what are all the options for somebody who don't have rights? You know what I'm saying? That's not true.

SPEAKER_04 39:19

That's why I'm saying just all the comfort. That's what you're saying. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:25

Yeah, I mean, I always say that too.

SPEAKER_04 39:27

Because that will affect the kids, right? Yeah, if you leave those kids and you're the only father they know and she never lets you see them again. How are those kids gone over? You know what I'm saying? I mean, I feel that would be heavy on my heart if like one of the kids took this up or did you know what I'm saying, went to jail, but you know what I'm saying? That would be heavy on my heart. Like, I should have stayed. You will be great.

SPEAKER_05 39:47

It's been times that's really like I've seen people stay in relationships that they knew they should have. Yeah, but they to them, they put their selfish reasoning to leave aside and say, you know what, I'll just not be happy for a while until at least these kids get caught.

SPEAKER_04 40:05

And that's why they worry on the station. But that's why I be torn though, because it's like, do you stay in an unhealthy relationship and then your mental health decline, or do you leave and then not worry about, not not worry about, but I always don't worry about what's gonna happen over here. You know what I'm saying? So it's like especially I'm so torn with that one. I mean, okay, and it's because of the kids. Like you don't want to stay just because of the kids, right? But that situation is so different because these are not your kids. So it's like that's a good one. But like I said, I would just explore all options before I use them. Explore those options.

SPEAKER_05 40:49

I've I've even seen, let's say they are my biological kids, right? I've seen the poison income from the Libyan parent against the one that's out because I heard you. So now you know you're gonna feed my kid your feelings and want them to take on that same feeling.

SPEAKER_06 41:12

So that happens every day.

SPEAKER_05 41:14

I was getting I was getting the information of this um recently. I was out, and uh some people won't be all hurt. I don't really care too much. I'm gonna try to be respectful a little bit. Um so to the person to one person, they felt like their dad wasn't there. To one person, they felt like their dad wasn't there. To the other, to the dad, they felt like they were there, but they were not allowed to be there as much. This is what you know uh the narrative was on both sides, and all they kept trying to say was, I just wish I could tell you the full truth, but it's been so long, there's no way you're gonna even believe it now. Because I've you've been fed the lie for so long that it's real to you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I'm telling you is not real. But I'm like, if you look at like you know somebody, you see their character, yeah, you can kind of decide for yourself, like I kind of believe this person over that person, type thing, right? So it it it's a hard, it's a hard field swallowing like that. Yeah, even if the child is the kids were yours. But no, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

So what do you think though? If the kid was not there, would you what would you do?

SPEAKER_05 42:36

I would still I don't think that's an age, right? But I would still at least like if it was unhealthy mentally for me to be there, I would at least let the kids know that I'm always here for you.

SPEAKER_04 42:49

Yeah, you know, I'm right at the age you wouldn't matter because they are their own cell phones, or you just still connect to that phone.

SPEAKER_05 42:57

Yeah, you're still still let you know I'm here for you, whatever you need, just let me know I'm there. I'm gonna still try and check on you as long as I'm allowed to check on you. Sometimes you might try to check, and the mom might get the phone, and like don't call my kid, whatever the case may be. But that's different. But I'm gonna still do my part, yeah. So that you know you still have an output here.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:18

I'm still in your corner, no matter what, just because we didn't make it, don't mean that we didn't make it. So I'm here for you. And I would I would like if they're old enough to understand, I would explain. Like, look, sometimes relationships don't work like you want them to work. Yeah, we kind of grew up properly in a separate way. Yeah, it's not, and I would still take the high road, nothing wrong with your uh still love her, she's amazing person.

SPEAKER_04 43:41

But I love that because I hate to go down talk to parents because she's a dumb yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:47

Do you know? So, like, think about this, like if I'm downplaying Katie, she's dummy, this then you've been together twenty six years.

SPEAKER_08 43:57

She has the bigger dummy about you, right?

SPEAKER_05 44:01

Mayweather used to do this a lot. Because you know he's undefeated in fighting. They would ask him about the fight after he won. And it was smarter for him to say, well, you know he's a hell of a fighter. He brought everything he could, but I was able to oversee it. Yeah. Because it makes you look better. If I go in and say he was weak, it's that it turns out you ain't really have no conversation. So it your words matter. I'm gonna beat you up regardless. So I think that's a big thing. And then even to show them, like, look, you you're not gonna disrespect your mom in front of me. I still got her back instead of having it home. Like it it's it's a it's a it's a game, it's a dangerous game. But you definitely do have to be the big person for the kids.

SPEAKER_04 44:44

That's grown-up shit though, because there's a lot of parents that know. So that's that's the mature shit to do.

SPEAKER_05 44:50

Yeah, because I can remember even my mom used to take shots every now and again. She knew it often because I was old enough to see the difference, and I know my dad was like every time. Yeah. Um, for what it for what it was back then, life was different back, you know, back in them days. But she would say stuff like, yeah, you know, you know what I'm saying? But she would say stuff like he would he was supposed to come pick me up, and he would get stuck out or make it whatever.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:18

And she would write, oh yeah, and come pick me up again. No, I'd be like, Oh no, no, we didn't. But uh even in situations like that, once you get older, you can think back on that and it was a single father at a young age. And it still had to be fathers to the rest of his kids, you know, who wasn't in the house and was just willing to make certain decisions and certificates. So um yeah, no, you definitely did his thing, he's definitely uh great person.

SPEAKER_04 45:56

Why don't I be the same mom do the same thing in her hate? Like whenever they get into Loki, we have two sides. I'm like, you the mother, why do we have two sides? Like, oh, so you don't hear sad? All right, fuck you. Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, it's not Clean, hang up on me and everything. She did oh you already said, Clean. Like, hello.

SPEAKER_02 46:19

Oh, that's back, you can do it.

SPEAKER_04 46:22

Yes, I'm like, what call you tomorrow baby because today you want some more like yeah, call me tomorrow, maybe you'll be on my side then. That's how she would do though. She so I can imagine like if they had really broken it up, how she would be, right? This was in the same household, like this weight.

SPEAKER_05 46:42

I'm going upstairs.

SPEAKER_04 46:48

Like my daddy, well, she tried to leave that one time. I said, Don't ever try to leave him again. I'm never coming with you because I'm gonna save my cats.

SPEAKER_05 46:56

And don't don't be one of them kids that look like the parent that I hate. Like I'm beefing with your mama, you look just like her.

SPEAKER_04 47:04

I hate you.

SPEAKER_05 47:08

That's crazy. Y'all take her out.

SPEAKER_04 47:11

Oh yeah, it was the worst. I wish I'm I'm glad they stayed together because she wouldn't have made it like by herself. But I'm like, it was so toxic.

SPEAKER_05 47:18

You know what?

SPEAKER_04 47:19

Yeah, it was toxic.

SPEAKER_05 47:21

The hardest part about this question is that they got married.

SPEAKER_04 47:25

Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:26

So they didn't make the decision to stick together to stick to them. So it's hard for me to say, look, this is what you chose. They need not even have kids. That's the part. You lay down in the bed, now you gotta make it up and make it work. But that's why y'all should have got married.

SPEAKER_04 47:43

I don't think I can ever get married to somebody. I mean, not get married to somebody with kids embracing. Like, no, we gotta get married. I just wanna be raising these kids. No, we're gonna be together forever.

SPEAKER_05 47:57

Right, but it has to be but even the reasoning behind that has to be.

SPEAKER_04 48:00

But four but four years, four years is a long time to be raising some kids that ain't yours without a brand. Yeah, like what we don't so we just playing house. Okay, I see. I see what we don't. I see what we don't. We just playing house.

SPEAKER_05 48:19

Yeah, yeah. Um, but I agree with Kiki too. You don't say try to try to do all you can to see if this relationship is supposed to still be, or is it supposed to be over? You know what I'm saying? So seek some kind of help, even if it's not like counseling, yeah. It could be find a couple that that may be in your area or in your reach that you see as successful, yeah. Find out if they're really successful, and not not social media successful, and then the ask questions. Like, I don't understand what's so hard about people asking questions. I ask questions, so you need everybody, like all kind of questions, like and sometimes I ask a question and KD be like I want to know the answer. Like the only way I'm gonna get the answer. You got the answer, and I'm gonna ask you the question. Like, I'm gonna ask you questions. Um Yeah, so I would say, you know, fight, fight for it.

unknown 49:16

Right?

SPEAKER_05 49:17

Fight for it. And then if you notice that it's a one-sided fight, yeah, can't you say too? You gotta do what you gotta do then, you know, fight the hard decision, you know, go to a decision council.

SPEAKER_04 49:29

Um you're trying, you're trying, and you're trying, you're trying six months a year, like what time do you put?

SPEAKER_05 49:38

Um, the old me, I probably would have spent a whole lot more time and true just because I didn't know how to walk away. The new me, I don't really like a lot of lagering stuff for them right now. Yeah, you know, so I'll probably cut it in about I give it 45 days.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

And um six months food, even long six forty-five days.

SPEAKER_05 50:05

Could be could be shorter than just 45 days or less. Because my thing is like, geez, this is in my eyes, this is an emergency.

SPEAKER_08 50:16

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05 50:17

So just like if somebody was to walk into this gym, yeah, right now go, you're gonna make that decision right now. What you need to do to fix to survive, whether that means get up under the table, whether that mean run, whether that mean pull your gun out, shoot back, whatever, you're gonna make that decision right now because it's a life-changing decision, and that's what this relationship thing is. It's gonna be a life-changing decision. So I need you to make the decision, like you know, you need to make the decision. Like you prolong it. The more I learned the more time you give somebody, they're gonna take that time. You know what I'm saying? You give them six months, they're gonna take six months. Yeah, the decision only took 13 seconds, but you're gonna take the whole six months. You know what I mean? So yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, no, 35 days, 45 days.

unknown 51:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 51:09

It might be uh it might be EOB. You better better be better be careful in the business, not in the business today, right now. Oh EOB, let's figure this out.

SPEAKER_04 51:22

Okay, well I mean this bitch like oh, so um all right, so we're telling him fight for it, Katie.

SPEAKER_05 51:38

What you telling? Yeah, fight pay attention.

SPEAKER_03 51:41

Oh, yeah, try counseling, like try counseling for it.

SPEAKER_05 51:45

Call coach, and we got you.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

Yeah, call cool decision calls up to you.

SPEAKER_05 51:50

Right here, I'm gonna make it happen. All right, talk about it, talk about it, let them know how you can find us, all of us love us, watch us, be with us, see us, comment, like, share, five. What can they do? Talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 52:07

It's on my favorite platform. If you got Apple podcasts, I mean I guess you can't find us there. I also love iHeart Radio and wherever you get your podcasts. We're everywhere. Wherever you get it.

SPEAKER_03 52:27

You can follow us on Instagram at the girl.tv. You can follow YouTube because we can follow. You can follow the network page at RRP Network.

SPEAKER_05 52:40

Yeah. Make sure y'all do that, man. I want to make sure y'all see y'all these uh follow back things so I can hit the hit the button, follow y'all back. But that's what we do. Follow up, we follow back, talk to us. We're gonna follow back to you, don't keep it real. You know what I'm saying? That's what we do. We always stay hot on the show, which is humble, open, and transparency.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

And don't forget to listen to the mouthie.

SPEAKER_04 53:07

I've been listening to it at work, baby. It's gonna be okay. If we keep big watching it, then maybe they'll drop more episodes.

SPEAKER_05 53:21

We ain't added in a new episode.

SPEAKER_04 53:24

Episode, episode, episode at work. I'm like, don't play it, yeah, play this on hand.

SPEAKER_05 53:29

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 53:29

No, it's very good.

SPEAKER_05 53:30

Thank you. And like it and share it too. So everybody else can uh you know what I'm saying? I want we want to see their numbers shoot for like and share and subscribe there.

SPEAKER_04 53:44

Thank you. I'm I'm a lip. Okay, period.

SPEAKER_05 53:47

And I like um and then don't forget, don't forget, man, Mondays. Make sure y'all tune in on Mondays as well. We got uh cocktails and girls talking to me and listen, they show up and show out every time, you know. And they talk about almost any and everything. You know, you can never you can never you can never you know know what to look forward to. But you like one week we talking about some kind of relationship, then we're gonna talk about fast cars, then we're gonna talk about what restaurants to eat at, what wine to drink, and all type of crazy stuff.

SPEAKER_04 54:22

One thing for sure, you're gonna learn something, okay? I'll be learning every week, like, oh okay. I'm learning something every week.

SPEAKER_05 54:30

And uh after producer in the background, they get they get going so much. I gotta look, I gotta come with the scissors, like say something, say something.

SPEAKER_04 54:40

And all you see is blaze tomorrow, okay, give me five, give me teen. That is what she means too. She'd be like, hello.

SPEAKER_05 54:49

So you know, yeah. Make sure y'all check the likes with uh same thing, like, share, subscribe, comment, man. Comment, we'd like to talk to y'all. So we got some more stuff in the work too. Make sure y'all stay tuned for that. If you are into sports, this is one that I'm excited about as well. So stay tuned for that. Reality sports coming real soon. You know what I'm saying? Nice about it. So it's gonna be strictly football, dude. Strictly football. I mean, but it's gonna be some Cardi B in there because she football. You know what I'm saying? Is she football? She's football. Or is she dating a football player? She's football. Once you once you win it, you in it. Sorority. Fraternity sorority. One way in, one way out. So um with that being said, man, I never wanted to go to DTM.

SPEAKER_04 55:50

Your host is with the monsters.

SPEAKER_05 55:52

That's what we've been yet another episode of Relationship Biology Podcast, and we will see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

So love bye bye.

SPEAKER_03 56:05

Goodbye to my pain.