MM COVID killed our relationship

Transcript

Intro And Mother’s Day Shoutouts

SPEAKER_00 0:19

I'm just a D girl from around the way with a whole lot of shit to say. It's your girl, K D.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

What up, though? You know who it is, your boy Coach D T M AKA Pure Motivation. I am Mr. Energy. Everybody love me. I don't have one enemy. Our podcast is here now, so you gotta respect it. You never get off on us because we never the exit. If you know me, do you know that I'm more than a savage who loves living life and is allergic to average? So we conclusion so it's no confusion. If you see somebody really than us, it's an illusion.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

What up, though? What up, what up, though?

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Listen, listen, listen. I'm the husband.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

And I'm the wife. And this is marriage material.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

K Dizzle.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

What's the deal? Pickle.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Talk about it, man. How you been? Anything good with you? You know, it's a great day to be great. A great day to be great, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Um, and it's Friday.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Don't get no better than that. You know, it don't get no better than that. And on top of that, Mother's Day weekend. You did. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Happy Mother's Day to Mother's. Happy Mother's Day to our producer today. You know, this mommy shit 24-7.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Right. And and and not only that, we just dropped a new date, which was Monday. Hope y'all listened to it. Hope y'all liked it. Hope y'all enjoying it. Made a fork me with you. If you didn't go back and listen to it, go back. Check it out, man. So now we got something for you. Monday. Wednesday. Wednesday.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

And Friday. Friday. Monday, went to Friday. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Monday went to Friday.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

All right. That's enough of that bell. Monday went to Friday. Coach.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

What?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

That's enough of that bell.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Oh, okay. I thought we were going Monday, went to Friday. You know what I'm saying? Turn it up, man. Not with that bell. Not with the bell. Man. All right, man. So I was just trying to rock the bells, you know. Uh you know what I'm saying? Like L L out here. You know, all right, bet man. Let's get into it, man. Let's get into it.

How COVID Changed Relationships

SPEAKER_02 2:11

I just really want to tap on just a couple things, man. First, I wanted to tap just kind of breeze over how life was during COVID. Right? And the reason why is because I saw a lot of relationships that just did not make it through COVID. It's like you know, you got they got locked in together and they realized I don't really want to lock in with you, man. Or I don't really like you that much, girl. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 2:39

I seen it on the flip side though, where people fell in love during COVID, and then after COVID was over, they realized, like, I don't really like you. You really boring. Now you don't like it. It ain't that we couldn't go outside. You don't want to go outside.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

You don't want to, yeah. But and both both is dangerous, right? So, like, you think you like somebody now, you stuck with them, and you get to you have no choice but to learn them, right? And you like, I don't like what I'm learning about you. Like, you don't really have no ambition, no goals, no, no great views on life, or none of that. You know what I'm saying? Let me let me exit the building immediately. Then there was others who like us, right? I don't want to speak for you, I'm gonna let you speak for yourself, but kind of enjoyed the extra time, you know what I'm saying? So the outside life couldn't really affect you too much because there is no outside life right now. So, really, I just get some one-on-one on one on one on one because the kids were there too, and the parents, but yeah, and still just getting that extra time in that QT, just coming up with new things to new ways to just enjoy life together and have fun. What was what was your your thoughts on on how covet went for us in a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 3:47

I think it went well.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

You think it brought us together closer, or with was we already there?

SPEAKER_00 3:51

We I don't think it affected us at all.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

That's a good way, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

I mean, I think we was just still straight, like I mean, because you were still working. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time, right? But you were still working, so life wasn't it in drastically change for us as much as other people, right? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 4:12

So, right, and another thing I saw is during that time, that was probably the richest time for the lower class people that's true that we I've ever seen in my lifetime, right? Which is another way to say or see if somebody is really for you, right? Because now I'm I'm all I'm all the way up, I'm getting bread now. You know what I'm saying? I got the PPP, I got the what was the other one that they was giving. That was uh the whatever the whatever the everything that they was giving you. Now I got bread, you don't look as good to me no more. Damn, I don't really want to, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, because we both broke, so now we we both down here. So once somebody get up, it'd be like, huh, you know, you look a little different down there, you know what I'm saying? Down there. So yeah, bruh. So I just kind of wanted to breathe by that just a little bit, man. My mind is a little bit everywhere today, so we're just gonna tap on a couple different things real quick.

Money Shifts And Loyalty Tests

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Relationships with outside interference, right? So let's say you got your family, your kid, etc. How has that can you think of any situations where the outside interference of those who are actually close to you could have played a role in our relationship not being the best at the time?

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Um I don't think we I don't think that ever affected us because we always had like a solid foundation. Now we have had family members that try to break us up, probably since the beginning,

Outside Interference And Family Pressure

SPEAKER_00 5:52

but I just feel like we always had a solid foundation that we was always able to fall back on each other, and I do feel like a lot of times when we was in our darkest times, it was just me and you, so it's hard for people to penetrate that for us. I ain't talking about for nobody else, right? So, not that outside noise wasn't heard by us, I don't think it was detrimental to us.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Okay, all right, and then so and one thing that I'm thinking about is like even with the kids, right?

Parenting Stress And Blame Cycles

SPEAKER_02 6:24

Sometimes when the kids are not performing the way you expect them to perform, you get to looking at yourself and your parenting, your co-parents, you know what I'm saying? Things of that nature, and you just start questioning yourself, like, okay, did I do everything I could do? And if I feel like I did everything I can do, the next step is that she do everything she can do. And I know sometimes people might have a different view. Um if I I it's hard for me to say you didn't do everything you can do, you know what I'm saying? Because you are the person who's doing it, so only you would know that you did all that you can do in that moment, you know what I'm saying? So it just makes it a little more difficult to uh uh to deal with when it comes to the kids. So I've seen that in a lot of situations where that becomes a major issue and it actually can break up your relationship because you could have done more, but you didn't, you know what I'm saying? And and have you seen that before, especially with dads, right? Because as dads back in the day, we're gonna say now I think the playing fields are even because more moms are actually out in the field as well. But dads are like trying to take care of the crib financially, yeah, at work, you come home, you do all this X, Y, and Z, and then the kids, the responsibility of dealing with the kids is kind of on the mom. So if the kids are acting up or behaving in a way that they shouldn't be behaving, or getting in in legal issues, or whatever the case may be, you get caught using drugs, whatever, automatically it's gonna go on the mom for the dad, and then automatically it's gonna go on the dad for the mom because you should have been here, you know what I'm saying. So, what you think about what's your thoughts on that part right there?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

I'm I don't know. I know because you gotta put that phone on because somebody at the door, and I'm trying to get your son to open the door, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:28

So just you could just say it so we can get it in.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

What I'm saying is I don't I don't know. Well, no, I guess I have felt that way. I felt like a lot of times when the boys was out of control, not listening, not being respectful, a lot of times I did feel like you wasn't doing nothing, but I will usually voice that to you like, can you step up? Can you help? And you're like, You don't know what I do when you're not looking. And I'm like, Well, okay, apparently they don't listen to neither one of us then, if that's the case, which is which is a which is probably is the case, but that's I'm just saying that's how I felt, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:01

So, I mean, and in that case, that's what I'm saying. So, how did you overcome that? How did you I don't know that I I have because sometimes I still feel that way, and and that's that's the point that I wanted to make too is a lot of times if we don't see it happen, then we don't think it happened, right? You know what I'm saying? But yeah, no, that's that's a that was a deep one right there for me as

Feeling Like Roommates At Home

SPEAKER_02 9:25

well. Can you think of a time where you felt like we was more roommates than in an actual partnership here? Yeah, let's talk about it, let's talk about it. So we are let's go. That's your part. Go for it. Describe the time. What was going on?

SPEAKER_00 9:47

I mean, it wasn't that long ago, and I told you that. Like, all we do is work, go home, work, go home. Like, I'm home all day because I work from home. You work, you go, you come home, it's no conversation, it's no attention, it's no nothing. Like, we just roommates, we just pay bills together.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Okay, all right. And then did you see a change in that after the fact?

SPEAKER_00 10:06

I mean, I see you trying to change, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

All right, I mean, that's what we're here for. That's what so to be honest with you, people don't realize this all the way, but a podcasting is a way to actually voice your inner thoughts that may not come out, you know what I'm saying, and then help other people, and it's therapeutic for those who are you know involved in

What Counts As A Real Date

SPEAKER_02 10:28

it, right? So when doing that, I remember you voicing your opinion or voicing your not opinion, but your I ring the bell, not opinion, but voicing your feelings. Yeah, you you you ain't you ain't you're I'm here with you, but I remember you voicing your feelings and concerns in that aspect, and I also remember my thought process behind some of it as well, even even down to like when we say, okay, we got to be intentional about going out on dates, we got to be intentional about you know just the time that we spend together, right? One thing that I had to change my views on was I enjoy every moment that I get with you, right? So a lot of times the things that I classify as a date, you be like, bro, that wasn't no date.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I'm like, but we because you was classifying grocery shopping as a date.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Hey, I get to spend time with my boo. You know what I'm saying? We walking through the store holding hands, forgetting to pick up stuff because we out here having fun, you know what I'm saying? That's a date. It might not be a good first date, but uh we went on a date the other day.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

I'm like to Myers, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

That's that's a date, and you went down every single aisle, it wasn't just every other aisle. Man, that's I'm talking about man QT.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

That's all the time is different than a date.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

And that's what I had to uh that's what I had to check myself on because I said after we went to Myers, we went and got something to eat. Then we went to the bar and got something to drink. I feel like that's a full-fledged date right there. Food still in the back, boom, get to the crib. You know what I'm saying? Let's get it, let's make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Full-fledged. No, no, that was not a date.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Okay, all right. Well, you know, you learn you live and you learn, man. You you pay attention and you you put that in your in your mind and you work with that, right?

Supporting A Partner Who Feels Inadequate

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Next thing I wanted to tap on real quick was what how do you deal with when your significant other, and I'm speaking to you specifically, for the world here, how do you deal with your significant other when they feel what I guess the word would be inadequate in certain aspects of of their life, their being he, he being I, I is him, right? How do you deal with that when I feel inadequate about certain aspects of my life, things that I want to be better at or do better at, or be better for other people, but just have not in my mind mastered that.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

I mean, I always encourage you to I mean, I always encourage you to let you know that you're not inadequate, and whatever changes you want to make, I encourage you to make those changes.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Right. But okay, so we're gonna get a little specific. We're gonna we're gonna open it up. We got the tissue because I'm fearing cry. But listen, so no, I'm serious. So it's things like we got when it comes to this husband thing. I felt like I'm I'm there. I got that. I done mastered the point of I can tell when I messed up and how I need to fix it. I can tell where you know when things is up and when it's down, etc. etc. I even go the extra mile to make sure that I can tap on the things that you need within this relationship. When it comes to parenting, prior to like three minutes ago, I said in my head, I got this, you know what I'm saying? To my wife told me I didn't have it.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

But I didn't know that's not what I said.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Don't you get on this microphone and lie? So but yeah, the parenting thing, I feel like I got that, right? When it comes down to friendship, I feel like I feel like I'm up there on that one. Now, you know, in our friend circle, I got I I feel like I got a lot of work if I'm trying to outdo my friend because this joke ain't no joke. This joke could know how to show up and show out at all times. I don't know. I don't know how where it came from, but this joke could know how to show up and show out at all times. But it's inspiring to me because I was like, ah, that's what I that's how I gotta do, right? And then I have we all have them friends where you don't necessarily have to talk every day, but when we talk, we talk. You know what I'm saying? You my guy, you know, I I know you got my back, I got your back, etc. Right? You did have my the first one, but then you looked at it so where you're so crazy, I had to hit it. But uh, but yeah, we don't have to talk every day, but I know that if I need you, I'm gonna hit you up. And I know that if you need me, you're gonna hit me up. Then you push over. I'm gonna say these last two for last. Then you can go like to my work life. Ain't nobody saying me, ain't nobody gonna ever outwork me, out hustle me, out grind me. That's just what I do. Like, I feel like I'm immersed in what I do to the point where even the people around me have no choice but to either get better or get young. You know what I'm saying? So, but then you look at different other aspects where I'm like, I thought I was doing, I thought I had it, but maybe I don't have it like I thought I had it, right? And this is the aspect of like sibling.

Sibling Distance And Family Communication

SPEAKER_02 16:09

When I when I put when I look at my siblings, I'll be like, I'm missing something somewhere. You know what I'm saying? Because it's numerous occasions where I see you won't show up for me. You know what I'm saying? There's numerous occasions where we don't communicate like that. Now I got one brother who I know we don't stay in the same state, but when we kick it, we kick it, and then it's everything is is like that. But then I got a few other ones where even down to like, and I don't even use this term, but even down to like the in-laws, brother-in-laws, I see the separation and the shun, and where you can feel like no, you're not, you're not the brother, you just the in-law. And it's and as crazy as it sounds, I feel like the in-law, even with my own sibling. You know what I'm saying? And then when it comes down to like the parent, like I know for a fact I can do a lot better in the communication part of it. And I know that I got a parent that will hit me up if they need me. I got the other parent that will not hit me up whether they need me or not. They just kind of either go without or they'll, and I don't know where they steer from, right? Because I always been one that will show up no matter what. And I'm like, I hope that don't spill down from me with my kids. You know what I'm saying? Granted, my kids is gonna act. At this point in stage, they're going to act all of them. They're going, they'll call me, they'll say, hey, pop, hey, dad, I need or can you or whatever. They're gonna act. You can tell them no 50,000 times, they're still gonna act.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Which is which I appreciate. But I look at stuff like the parents that live with me, they don't mind asking. And I don't know if it's because they see me every day or not, but the parents that don't live with me, they don't, it's like it's no real communication there. You know what I'm saying? And even if I hit you up, we talk for a minute, but then I can I can hear that I'm busy in my in your voice, you know what I'm saying? So it'd be like, all right, well, I guess I see you when I see you. And that's that's hard for me because I know that for one, life is shorter than we imagine, you know what I'm saying? Especially after the situation we had with Giggity. End day. So with those situations, it's like, how do I repair, or is it even anything to repair? Maybe I'm overthinking it, overlooking it, you know what I'm saying? But you being there for the whole ride, what do you see in that aspect?

SPEAKER_00 19:02

I mean, so for your siblings, sometimes I feel like maybe they they feel like you don't reach out enough because I know you talk about bro, I don't fuck with them, and I don't fuck with them because they don't fuck with me, and then eventually it just become that way, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

If I talk to them, if I don't talk to them, I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying? Like they got a little group chat that they talk in every blue moon. Sometimes I say something, sometimes I don't. It's just we don't have that relationship, and at the end of the day, it's because y'all the older brothers, y'all reach out to us, you know what I'm saying? Because I got to the point where I'm reaching out, reaching out, and they never reaching out back or barely reaching out. So I I don't just because you're my brother, don't mean I gotta talk to you, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:42

And I found myself defending them. You still do sometimes, yeah, because I see me in that, right? You know what I'm saying? And so I get to hear it from both sides, and I'm like, I wonder if my siblings feel the same way, might reach out now. Granted, the oldest on your side don't have kids and don't have don't have the same outside noise that we got. I'm not gonna say he don't have that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

He don't have nothing, he don't even have his dog no more.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

No, no, but I'm saying he got a job, he probably got he probably do got another dog. I don't know. Sorry, but what I'm saying is he got other things that took that place, you know what I'm saying? So it'd be harder for me to fight for him because I don't understand the other thing that he's got going on.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Well, his thing, his other thing is for everything, is his job, right? Or his career, whatever you want to say. That's why he can't keep a relationship, because his career is going to always come first, like, and I feel like he's been that way since he was a teenager. You know what I'm saying? Like, he's always been goal-oriented, career-oriented, which is why he's as successful as he is, but also why he falls short in a lot of areas. Because if it's something emerging that is needed for him and the family, or he got to go to work, he's going to work. And when he goes to work, he be in Italy, Mexico. Like, he don't he don't be around the corner where he could come to the whatever it is after work. He no, no, he's gone, gone. Like, you know what I'm saying? So I think that's why that's his outside noise, that's his family.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

And so, like, for me, I sat with this for a while. I think it's it's steeped in a lot more, probably over this weekend. But I sat with it for a while because I was like, okay, where can I carve time from? You know what I'm saying? Where can I carve? Okay, I can take this time and I can go.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

And I was like, I really don't be having but even in that situation like that when when the message was sent, you never responded. And you like, well, they always communicate here, but you didn't respond. Somebody else responded, which means somebody else probably got a private message saying, Okay, we're gonna be there. Because you the only one said something, so you're the only one I'm gonna say something to. When that person said, We going, you should have said me too. It takes two seconds, but you So stubborn, you like, well, they ain't say nothing else, so I didn't say nothing else. That's not how you're supposed to act.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

No, but they and to to my to my defense, it wasn't even uh they ain't say nothing. The thing was I was doing stuff, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:16

No, I'm not saying you wasn't listening.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

So I was doing stuff, and I didn't pay attention to the time at that at that moment, right? Until the time arrives, and I look and I say, Oh, they ain't never said nothing. Maybe you change his mind, which happens quite frequently, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Yeah, but you didn't follow up either.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

I get it. Like, I that's and that's my thing. I'm trying to figure out how can I be better, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 22:37

It's just simple stuff like that, saying, Y'all still going, y'all there? Okay, here I come. Or what y'all doing afterwards? Because it maybe you ain't see it till seven o'clock. If they was gonna be there at six, by seven, they already eating. What y'all doing afterwards? But you didn't say anything, and that's like you didn't even acknowledge that he said I'm going somewhere at six o'clock, even though he said I might go, right, but you didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Because my thought was I might go, I'll let you know. That's what I say.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Which opens the door for a follow-up because you know that person probably better than most people, and you know he's not gonna beg for nobody to come, right? But so I might come, he put that out there for a follow-up, which the person other person knew. That's why they said we going, or we'd be there, or whatever they said, and then you didn't say nothing.

SPEAKER_02 23:31

I just want to go back to the old days when there wasn't no cell phones

Texting, Social Media, And Missed Messages

SPEAKER_02 23:34

and all that. Call me at the crib, I do, man, because I get this the cell phone is my biggest issue because I don't keep up with social media like that. I don't, you know, sometimes my job don't allow me to be able to respond in that in the time frame, right? And I don't have the mindset to where if I see 50 text messages in my phone, I'm not going back to read all 50. That's true, you know what I'm saying? I'm gonna read the last four and I'm gonna see if I can piece it together. And if I can't, so be it. If I miss something, I it happens all the time. Then I put something in there that was in the 50, and they like, well, we said that already. Oh, okay, well, cool. It hasn't been missed, you know what I'm saying? And I get that from you, I get it from other the other podcasts I'm on, I get it from other people, like so.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

If everybody telling you the same thing, maybe you need to work on that part, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:27

So, my question is I'm asking somebody who knows how to monopolize their time and be able to respond and be on every social.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

But say we're not the same because my job allows me to.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Okay, so I'm asking you how so I'm asking you. So I guess I gotta ask somebody, I gotta find somebody who has a job like me to ask them. I'm trying to figure this thing out because I literally want to be better, you know what I'm saying? How can I be better at this? People in the chat help your boy out. I want to be better at this. You the the thing that social media got over all of this is I can pick an hour out of like a Sunday, and I can schedule 75 posts to come out throughout the week, and I'm good to go.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

And I think that's another thing. So you you constantly posting, right? Which you not constantly posting, these are scheduled posts, right? Right. So people looking at you constantly posting, so in their mind, it's like, damn, he posts all day, but can't respond to a text message, can't respond to an inbox, so it makes it look like you're ignoring people.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

So on the bottom of my post, I gotta put auto response right here. This was all auto text. This was not this is this is not real. This is AI. This is I mean, I'm just trying to figure this thing out, man. Listen, can y'all in the chat help me out, man? I really try to be better at this part, and I feel like if I can just get this part of it, that I can it'll make me better in these relationships that I'm trying to strengthen. You know what I'm saying? All right, that's all I got for you, man. But you got anything else for them? How can they hear? What should they look out for if they did not go look out for it on Monday? Make sure you plug that in real quick, man, and talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

On Mondays, we

How To Follow And Listen Next

SPEAKER_00 26:07

will be dropping a podcast called Cocktails and Girl Talk. It is a podcast for me and my little sister where we just kick it, you know, just let you in our world of chaos and confusion and caffeine. And usually she has a cocktail of the week. I might have a different wine I'm trying that week, but yeah, just it's just us kicking it. And then we're under the same umbrella, so you can listen to us at YouTube, Buzz Sprout, or wherever you get your podcast.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Apple Music Podcast, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Pandora, like we everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Wherever you get your podcast, iHeart, all that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

That's all I was trying to think of. Sorry, y'all. Um, you can follow our podcast page at Cocktails and Girl Talk. You can follow me at your girl.kd. You can follow Coach DTM at Coach DTM. My co-host from the other podcast has a very long handle, and I don't remember it. But if you go on cocktails and girl talk, our pages are on there.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

Right. And if you're not following us, RRP network. Talk about it. We're here, we're everywhere. All right. So, with that being said, man, listen, I do is a moment, I did it the work. I'm done, it's a decision. Don't get them twisted. This is marriage material. I'm the one and only coach DTM, your girl KD, and we will see you next week. Peace, deuces.