Who Cheated Emotionally? Marriage Material S2Ep9

In this episode we discuss a big situation. Sometimes the decisions we make are prompted by the decisions of our partners. Find out what happened in this episode 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:13

I'm just a D girl from around the way with a whole lot of shit to say. It's your girl, KD.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

What up, though? You know who it is. Your boy Coach DTM aka pure motivation. I am Mr. Energy. Everybody love me. I don't have one enemy. Our podcast is here now, so you gotta respect it. You never get up on us because we're never to exit. If you know me, do you know that I'm more than a savage who loves living life and it's allergic to average? So in conclusion, so it's no confusions. If you see somebody really than us, it's an illusion. What up, though? What up, do? Yeah. Listen, we love y'all so much that uh we're getting it in even with KD. Gotta get our coffee in this early morning, you know what I'm saying? But this is marriage material. I'm the husband and I have a wife, but my wife is not with me at the moment, you know what I'm saying? So we're just gonna keep it going. So, with that being said, how was your weekend? How was your weekend and anything like that? Oh, she's back. There she go. Okay, I am the husband. I'm the wife, and this is marriage material. Talk about it, all right. So, we want to do, of course, still bring y'all some great content, you know, about relationships, and you know what I'm saying, and the reality of it. Wrong show. No, no, no. This is a network, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, you're right. It's a network, so marriage is a relationship, and it's one of the highest forms. I say that every wedding that I do it, you know. So just so people know. But we was having a conversation, and we decided to give you guys a good one today. All right, KD. As you wow, uh as you as we were having our conversation yesterday, the one thing we realized was we was just giving the people everything that made Coach DTM Coach DTM. I had people hitting me up, like, what you doing next week? Like, what you do, what you do now? Like, you know, for one, all this stuff is like, oh stuff. This is us bringing y'all up the speed to where we at now. But for two, I you know, I have my share of issues in this relationship, but I think we we've both dealt with some things that made us who we are today and helped us to grow and be strong within this relationship. Of course, in relationships, I think you will have moments where one is stronger than the other, right? But I think the battles that we go through together and separately, it's what makes us strong enough to be able to handle anything that comes to order now. You know what I'm saying? So today, we're gonna bring you a situation that actually happened on the other side, and this situation is basically something that KD may have been, we're not gonna say coerced or fur or forced or anything like that, but we're gonna say sometimes actions have consequences, and it kind of pushes you to make decisions that you probably wouldn't never wouldn't make regularly, right? So let's talk about it, KD. Let's get it. You want to get it started? You want me to kind of lay the groundwork of what we're doing?

SPEAKER_02 3:32

You can get it started.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

All right, so of course, so since y'all heard, you know, there was a lot of indiscretions going on early on in our relationship, you know, KD may or may not have started to become, you know, fed up with this thing, man. And probably questioning, you know, why is that happening? Probably questioning, is this real? Is this how our relationship's supposed to be? Like, what are we doing here? Because, you know, early on into the relationship, you you you ask these kinds of questions. You want to make sure that what we're doing is what we're doing. So I can remember part of this situation, but I'm you know, KD would have to be the one to give the full story on her version of it because you know I can only see it through my own lenses, right? But there was a situation where KD used to work for a franchise, and this is probably gonna be a two-parter as well. We might even just keep going, and I might just break it down, break it, you know, half and half. But KD was working for a franchise, and trying to grow and just learn life through this franchise, she also has to deal with relational issues that we have going on, and probably family issues and everything else, with like tagging on. I can't remember too much of that part, but I think the family issues and stuff started later down the line. But so this particular time, of course, your yours truly was somehow still gonna be in this in this story heavy, but yours truly was out outside, you know what I'm saying, doing what yours truly only knew how to do at this time, you know. And KD was beginning to get frustrated with you know her findings and and all of that good not good stuff, all of that not good stuff, right? And so I think that this particular moment she was thinking in her head that I'm about to strike back. And in striking back, meaning I'm about to what's good for the goose about to be good for the gand out here. I'm about to do my thing, I'm about to see what it is. But you gotta tell me, Katie, did it get cut short because I caught wind of it early, or because you just didn't want to follow through with it or a combination of the two?

SPEAKER_02 6:09

Um, I think it was more because I didn't want to like take it to the next level. Because we started like, I don't know, I guess I just used to go to work and complain about you all the time. Like, he's doing it again, he out with whatever, whatever. So it kind of started as a friendship, and then I guess feelings got developed.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

But when it was like less, you know, I was like, oh, I'm not doing that, I'm not doing that part, and and I I believe too, like we're gonna mesh up a couple stories, too. I believe that situations like this mess the notion that men and women can actually be friends, right? Because that situation where you know he was trying to swoop swoop in and be something that you know, he was trying to catch you at a vulnerable moment and see what can happen from there.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

But then too, I'm sorry, but then too, like, so he was in a relationship, right? And he was, oh, I would never do that to my girl. Like, that's kind of how the friendship started. Of you know, like maybe say, like, go to him for advice because he was older than me, too. So, like going to him for advice or whatever, and then when I noticed, like, wait, you are trying to do the same thing to your girl. Like, this is no, no, no, no, I'm not doing that. So that had that played a part in it too, because I'm like, that's dumb. Now you just be back in the same situation, like this is stupid.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

How have you always been the type of person that rationalizes every angle of life while actually in the situation?

SPEAKER_02 7:53

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

So for and I'm just speaking because I got you know, I got man brain over here, right? A lot of times man brain, a lot of times manbrain don't necessarily rationalize past what we're currently seeing.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Oh, you're asking, like, have I always been a forward thinker?

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Yeah, have you always been a person that can rationalize like the every angle of the situation? You know what I'm saying? So like a man might be like, if I do this, this might happen. And then so I'm prepared for the this that might happen, but then something totally different happened, and they be like, Man, I ain't I ain't see that, you know what I'm saying? But how I notice you are is you are able to do it while like while in the situation, you know what I'm saying? Going through it. A lot of times we can I can see it, you know, like if I take a step back and look, and I'll be like, I see what's happening here, you know what I'm saying? And which is which is how certain people can actually infiltrate my circle easier if they can just portray it a little bit, you know, for a little bit, you know what I'm saying, or come from a different angle. But I noticed with you, that's not the case, you know what I mean? You are able to like really see it while in the picture, which is a rare thing. Have you always been like that, like even as a kid, or that's I don't is that something that maybe grew on to you after after so much hurt from other people, including not even including me, because you was really chill on you, bro. I'm saying other people, not including me, because you know, I've seen it from the beginning from you.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

I guess so. I don't know. I guess that's I don't know if I've ever I don't know. I I think I've always been a forward thinker because I used to be scared of my daddy, so I gotta think about what I'm gonna do before I do it. My daddy ain't play when I was younger.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Now, I will say this too. Now, with you being a forward thinker, with you being a person who can kind of see every angle, once somebody is able to infiltrate you and make you put your your guard and your walls down, then we are able to see the naive KD that's not able to like see what's actually going on. So I will say that part too. So maybe that's the reason why your your senses be up so high, because you know, like once you get in here, it's a wrap. You know what I'm saying? So, and speaking about like just the situation we were just talking about, we also had the same type of situation happen even sooner than this, right? With a with somebody who was already inside and was already labeled a friend, right? Right, and I was able to spot this out early for you. Maybe I'm good at spotting it out for other people that I love, right? And I give people a chance for me because I feel like I've been hurt so much in the past that it ain't gonna hurt me. You know what I'm saying? You know how you walk around with a bulletproof vest. Maybe I got the bulletproof heart to where I ain't, you know, it ain't gonna break my heart. I don't even care like that for real. You know, but so I can remember even then, and this this is what it's funny how they kind of line up, right? So when we first got together, you used to have a quote unquote best friend who was a quote unquote male. Never had been proven. I don't know. I don't never been proven. I'm just saying. So uh, but I can remember him making out I can remember him saying things around me before we got together that put up a flag in my in my heart in my eyes, and I was like, I don't think dog is who he says he is. You know what I'm saying? But you was more on the lines of nah nah, he is he good people, that's my man, we straight. I'm like, all right, maybe she sees maybe she, you know, she should know. That's her people, she should know. Right, and it took in my eyes a minute for it to actually reveal itself, and I don't even think when it revealed itself, I don't think we was like on the down moment, were we?

SPEAKER_02 12:18

No, I called you.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Yeah, I remember you called me. We could be on the down moment, you still gonna call me.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah, like probably not back then. That was like when we first started dating.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

But it was still, I mean it was early on, but I still think it was we we had a little bit of time, a little bit of time in for for our age.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

No, I mean, I guess for our age, but I'm I'm thinking like because we got together in the 1900s.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

This happened in 2000. 2000, mid-2000.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

Yeah, that's I was about to say, probably like four or five months, maybe. Okay, because the scene it was our we were doing our senior project, so that means it was at the end of senior year. Okay, we got out of school the end of May, so it had to be like April, May that that it happened. Okay, I don't remember exactly, but I know we I know for a fact we were doing our senior project for our English class.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

All right, and then so and I kept saying, No, this ain't he ain't that, and you like, no, he's that, he's okay. And I'm like, and it was a part of it, and I think we spoke about this on our other podcast too, but the part of it was my upbringing did not believe that that was a thing until I think it really didn't change until I became the thing.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Like, you're the thing, I'm the thing. But like, even in that situation, like I met, I was dating somebody who he was friends with, so it was like a group of guys that was friends, right? And he was one of the guys in the group of friends, so I never looked at him like that because he was like my boyfriend's best friend, right? So, in my mind, you automatically off-limits. I mean, aside from the fact that he wasn't attractive to me at all, you know what I'm saying? Right, and also he had a kid when we were still in high school, and I was friends with that kid's mom. So you know what I'm saying? It was just like you were, he was so many off limits, you know what I'm saying? Like you, my, even though me and that guy wasn't together no more, you still are his friend, and I'm still her friend, so you off limits anyway, right? Even if you wasn't ugly, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 14:27

So all right, so we I guess we're not gonna go too deep into this. You wanna go deep into the story of what? Let's go deep into the story of of what he did first, like how this even why we even talking about this, and then we'll connect the two together.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

So talk to them, tell them what how this works.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

We were doing our senior project on like sexually transmitted diseases, right? And how you can't just look at somebody and know they have it. So, first we did like this glitter test where we put different colored glitter on like two people's hands.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

And this probably sounds crazy to y'all now because y'all probably so abraced to these that what she's saying, but remember this is back in the 1900s, 2000s, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:18

So 26 years ago, Jesus Christ. Damn. So, you know, then you just randomly go around shaking people's hands, whatever. And then at the end of the the presentation, presentation, sorry, everybody got glitter on their hands, either both colors or one color, and then you don't know where the glitter came from. Like nobody knew who initially had the glitter on their hands. So that was the glitter was quote unquote the sexy transmitted disease, right? So also during that, we were getting like different, like different condoms. So you know you got like lamb skin and you know, lifestyle, like all the different kinds. So he made a comment like, Oh, I never used a lamb skin condom before. And I'm like, Okay. And he was like, Maybe we should try it just so we'll know what we're talking about during the presentation.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Lamb.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Goof.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

And he was like, Well, no, you're right, because it doesn't protect you from sexy transmitted diseases, so it wouldn't like make sense to do it. But I'm like, wait, what? But I could tell that if I would have said, okay, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. But when he saw my reaction, is when he tried to pull back, like, oh no, no, it was just, you know, because you don't we don't want to get up there explaining stuff and we don't even know what we're talking about. I'm like, bro.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

I'm just glad y'all didn't do a presentation on crack then. Cause y'all would have been crackhead. We gotta do this crack first because we gotta know how this feels in your body. Go ahead, continue.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

That's that's crazy. So, yeah, so I asked him to leave and then I called you.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

I was crying, my feelings were so hurt.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

So, and okay, and then that happened, right? So that kind of ended the friendship.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

How did you end the friendship? Did you say we can't be friends no more, or did you just like let it dissolve?

SPEAKER_02 17:23

No, I said don't ever talk to me again, get out, which was awkward because we had another presentation to do, but say I do this one on my own. No, we still did it because we used to have a clinic in our school where you could go for like birth control or like if you thought you had an S C D or whatever. So we had it, we interviewed the the lady who ran the clinic. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

But yeah, after that, it was it was all right.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

All right, and then so fast forwarding just a little bit to what we started talking about, where you were working and you find somebody to try to kind of confide and and and let it all out to thinking that it was gonna be strictly platonic, but it turned left. Was that quick, or did you feel like it was it was it was still regular for a minute and then it turned quick?

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Well, I had quit, so once I quit, I never talked to him again. So the the I think I quit and I got a new number.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

So do you think that this was because now this is the thing for you guys.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Oh no, I didn't quit. He got fired. He got fired, and I did I still did get a new number though, but he got fired because of something that didn't have nothing to do with me.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

So this is the thing too that I wanted to put out. Sometimes the actions of someone else that you love might play a role in this, right? And the crazy thing is, 26 years later, this didn't happen 26 years ago. This was probably what 23, 25, 20, 23, 22 years ago, somewhere around there.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

Yeah, because we only had one, we only had one kid at the time.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Okay, so this happened way back then, right? 2026. It's probably not even probably, this is exactly when KD was ready to actually put a label to what this was because we we were talking about it off and on, you know, it was never nothing that was going to take me to that level, you know what I'm saying? But it was just something that I wanted like clarity on because I knew even back then that nothing happened. I felt like nothing happened back then because I caught wind of it early, right? For several reasons. One, I had somebody on the inside that was like you know, high up on you had somebody in the inside who had somebody in the inside. I had somebody on the inside that was like, you know, high on the other hand.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

But that's how I also found out that he was lying.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

I mean, but I'm like, that's a that's disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

And here and here's the thing too, though. Like, if you if you put yourself in a certain situation that can allow a lie to look look like it's the truth, that's true, then and that's that's kind of a bar right there because I feel like a lot of people do this, right? You put yourself in a situation where somebody's lying, but you were you were there enough for it to look like the truth, right? But I had somebody high up on the on the pedestal in there that could that that put me up on game early. And with this being the first time me kind of dealing with something like this, I just kind of brought it to the light, like, yo, what's what's what's the deal? You know, she kind of denied like any and all of it, even up until like she she admitted to having a conversation, but she never wanted to really go fully in depth until 2026 when she was like, I guess that might have been emotionally cheating, right? And I was like, exactly, that's what I've been trying to say for 22 years, but you wouldn't let it took for marriage material to make you say that's what that was, right? So, but it was all kind of resolved, really, with just a conversation, I want to say, and and then her having the character already that wasn't matching the action that was happening that looked like was happening, I would say. You know what I'm saying? And that's gonna really push us. To the next topic of what we're going to talk about. Do you want to go straight through and just kind of break it, break it, or you want to do two episodes? How you want to do this?

SPEAKER_02 22:10

We can just do one.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Okay, we're gonna break, we're gonna go straight through and I'll break it down or whatever. Y'all still gonna have to tune in, you know what I'm saying, next week. But this is the wait, what did they what they be saying?

SPEAKER_01 22:22

This this is welcome to the second half. The second half of the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Well, keep it going. But listen, listen, before we even do all that, I want to make sure y'all understand this too. Understand this too. Understand this too. Because this drops on Friday, the 17th. And tomorrow. Oh my god. What?

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Oh your God. You're supposed to be excited. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

So tomorrow, listen, listen, if you in the Metro Detroit area on the 18th, even if you're not, come through 5 p.m. Your favorite network, your favorite podcast. What a surprise. Don't get it twisted. What a surprise? Yeah. We got a surprise as well. We're popping in live podcast at Buffalo Wild Wing, downtown Detroit. All right, come through. Tickets is only$10. It's on Event Bright. Right now, it's not a lot of tickets left. So I want y'all to get on there. I'm hoping that it's still some tickets remaining, but I'm gonna tell you, this thing's packing up quick, man. So we get we start at five. It is WrestleMania. So for my other podcast, we're doing a WrestleMania event. But Relationship Reality Network, we'll start it all off. And we're gonna start it off at 5 p.m. Real time. So don't you come strolling in CP time, talking about where they at because you're gonna miss you're gonna miss it all the all the good stuff, right? So make sure y'all there at 5 p.m. Get your tickets on Eventbrite. Just type in the holy shh with three H's podcast on Eventbrite. It'll pop up, click it, pay that 10, get you in. All right.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

So pay that 10 to get you in.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Pay that 10, it gets you in. All right. So but this pushes me to the next thing that I wanted us to talk about because we was also having a conversation about this off air, and it all ties together. All right. So women, I feel like it's so many different parts and missing pieces and pieces and things. Yeah, I don't even think y'all know y'all for real that much. But y'all want everybody else to know y'all that much, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Oh well. Well whoop D do.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

So one of the things that you and I were conversing about off-air was the main two things that women want. Which were what?

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Affection.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

And what else?

SPEAKER_02 24:55

Attention.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Attention and affection.

SPEAKER_02 24:57

Kind of the same.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Kind of the same. I don't even think that was the other one. I know affection was one.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

Protection?

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Protection was the other one.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

So you want protection and affection.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Shin.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Yeah. So and so I believe, and we're gonna go deeper into this because I want to understand what the heck that is, right? And I want to understand if y'all know if y'all even know what it is, and if it's necessarily enough to cancel out those who may not be able to give both or all, right? Don't go in here. Don't go in here. But the reason why I say that is because when you were doing the emotional thing, right? Did you feel like you were lacking one, both, or one of those chin?

SPEAKER_02 25:56

So I don't think that 20-year-old Keisha even knew what she wanted. Okay. You know what I mean? Like I was a mom, I was a fiance, I was all these things, but I was I just felt by myself.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

You know what I'm saying? So I don't know that I was, I don't even know that I desired those things then. I think then it was just more of like trying to convince myself or prove to myself that it was nothing wrong with me. Because I've also said this before that back back then I always felt like something was wrong with me because you, you know, were always doing something else.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

So I think that's what it was. I don't think it was the affection or protection then.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Okay. So even okay, now all these years later, are you okay with what if you what if you're missing one? And it's not even for long term. What's the what's the frame, first off? Is there a frame, a time frame where you can when you can be missing one or the other?

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Protection, no.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

Affection, I mean, yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

And then, and I know this time, I know this is a a broad question, right? Because it's gonna be different for a lot of different ones.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Well, I feel like it's different for me because I'm not super affectionate. So I don't, it's not a deal breaker for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

I mean, I don't think I'm super affectionate. Like, I see people and I'm like, wow, they really like each other. Like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 27:33

So I I I don't know, I disagree with you. I think you are super affectionate. Oh, and I say that because you like I feel like I I catch on you, I hug on you, I kiss on you quite often, especially especially when we out, right? Even when we home, sometimes you don't even feel it. You'll be asleep, you'd be knocked out. I just lean over, kiss whatever body part is right close to my face, and then turn back and go to sleep, right? But I've seen times where you would you I can tell when you yearn for like a touch, right? Because for those who don't know, and y'all better not know anyway, but Keith is very heavy-handed, and you would take a hand and you'll slap it on the my shoulder, or you would lean your shoulder back on me. And if I'm not braced already, I'm gonna look weak because I'm gonna so I'm like, Oh, okay. So, like when you hit me with the the shoulder lean, like look like young Drew, then I know okay, she this this is a a moment where she needs to feel the affection. Oh, you know what I'm saying? Well, you know better than me, and and which is a thing that we can actually say because I want people to know that that's the thing, you gotta learn your partner, right? You gotta learn the signal that they give you. I can tell when I've been working too much and haven't been paying you enough attention, you know what I'm saying? Because you make it quite known, it might not be verbally, but you make it quite known. You know, you have the act, you have the act of me when I go too long without releasing, right? So I'm like, and I put it together. I said, Oh, this is what this means. All right, she needs she needs some she needs some time. Let me give her some time. Let's get it in, let's go do what we gotta do. Let's go to the winery, let's go grab a bite to eat, let's go to a jewelry thing, let's go do I haven't been to the winery this week. You haven't been to the one that we wanted to go to, but you've been to some. I'm just I'm just talking about the one I want to go to. All right, well, we going when we leave here then.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

We nah, it's too far. It ain't too, it ain't too far.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

I got a full tank of gas in my burden, you know what I'm saying? So we go.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

Shout out to DTM, he got them a new car.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

We're going presidential style, man. But yeah, so I pay attention to that, and I feel like a lot of guys need to pay attention. A lot of people, not just guys, but women too. But so you said, do you know your time frame? Do you know how long you think you can go without just one? Because you said protection never, which you know, that's never gonna be right, even, and this is I don't even want to keep throwing all these different stories in, but even if I can't get there, 11 times out of 10, I got somebody who's right in the vicinity. That's true, you know what I'm saying? For the somebody, give me about eight minutes and I can get them there. For me, if I'm not there, I can probably get anywhere within 30.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

So if you can just get under a table or something for 30 minutes, I'll be there, I'll clear it all out, and you'll be good to go. You know what I'm saying? But do you know your time frame for your affection? I don't know, your affectionless.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

I don't know, maybe a week.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

Okay, Katie said a week. I'll say three days, but she said a week, all right. But do you 72 hours? Yeah, yeah, 72. But okay, do you think that that is enough to end what we have? Or do you think that because I've shown it, I have equity in affection, right? That that gives me a little more leeway for you.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

So, how does one build equity? Is it because you gotta just keep going, you know what I'm saying, on a regular, and then you can back off and start doing other stuff or like whatever?

SPEAKER_02 31:33

I think for each person it's different, right? Because some part some people's time frame without affection is zero days. You know what I'm saying? And if you know that my time frame is zero days, and you still go days or weeks or months or whatever, then it's probably gonna be consequences to that. Because affection is not hard to affection shouldn't be hard to show. So if you don't show it, eventually someone else is going to, and then it's like But do you okay?

SPEAKER_00 32:06

So this is the thing. First, I'm gonna I'm gonna combat the first part where you said it shouldn't be hard to show. Affection is definitely for a man of, I may even say a man of my caliber, right? I don't even know how where everybody's from, but a man of my caliber from the east side of Detroit, raised in a family who went out their way to tell you I hate you, or I only want to utilize you for what I can utilize you for, whatever the case may be. Affection was so far down the list on my life.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

That's why I said shouldn't be. That's why that's why I corrected myself. Because at first I was gonna say affection isn't hard to show, but I know for some people it is, so that's why I said shouldn't. Because two, some people equate affection with attraction, right? So if you don't if you don't show me any affection at all, I'm beginning to think you're not even attracted to me. And that may not be the case, right? But that's how people feel, and then that makes people like, well, dang, let me go and find somebody who is attracted to me.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

And the problem with affection to me, as a man looking at it, right, is that it's it's so many different calibers to it. So I might be able to master the holding your hand in public part, and that'd be all right when I'm holding your hand in public at that moment. But then time goes down, time goes past, and there's not as in some cases, it's not even a lot of time. 72 hours go by, right? You like this, all we're gonna do is hold hand. When you gonna touch my shoulder, when you're gonna kiss me, when you're gonna do this, when you're gonna, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, well, shoot, I thought I thought I was winning with the hand holding thing, all right? So I gotta figure it out. Okay, hold your hand first, like cool. Then I gotta lean over, whisper something sweetened to you, like you know what I'm saying? And and so this is the thing, right? And I'm gonna bring in so we got an amazing engineer in in the studio as well. Jay, let me ask you a question. How are you with your affection? You know what I'm saying? Are you very affectionate at the crib or were you always affectionate? Yeah, oh so so it came easy to you, yeah. Okay, so it came easy to do.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

I just want to say he's just smiling so we like thinking about his wife. He like, yeah, I like her.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

But so I feel like, and I'm just gonna speak from from a male's perspective, the one that's trying to get in, that has never been in, as opposed to if me and KD has been together 26 years, we break up, and I'm trying to get back in. We were talking about this yesterday, right? Where the moment that I make a mistake, and the mistake is that big, let's say I had a baby on you, right? And I'm like, man, can't believe I had a baby on her, but I know she is where I want to be. And in the beginning, you're not even open to me being us being back together. And then, like Steve Urkel, I start to wear you down a little bit, right? And I'm talking to you, I'm trying to get in, and I finally get you to kind of consider it. Then we go out on the date a couple times and all this and that. It is harder for me to get back in from that mistake than it is for Jerry to slide in and just start talking to you. No, okay. Agree or not? Yeah, right. So now, not only is it harder for me to get back in, I'm also nervous, scared, etc., about every move that I make because I feel like I don't have the bandwidth to make a mistake right now. I don't have the bandwidth to not give you the things that you say you need. You know what I'm saying? You saying protection, I'm like, shoot, okay, what does what does protection look like? As soon as somebody look at him, look at it, I go slap him, you look down when my girl comes past you. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, how does this look? You know what I mean? Like, so for a man, all this goes plays a role in their mind, and they like, okay, but then Jerry, like, what's up? Let's go I did. And you like, yo, you know, he was looking at me, he was looking at you. That's because you're beautiful. Come on, let's keep going. Like, you don't, you know, Jerry don't have those the same thought process that I have. And Jerry just, you know, initially might be just trying to get in. You might I just need to hit, I just want to get in. I just want to get to first base, second base, third base. Whereas I'm still trying to get on the field. You know what I'm saying? I'm just tag me in. I'm ready, tag me in. You know what I'm saying? So it's a little more nerve-wracking. I don't even think women have those type of issues as far as I think if y'all out and y'all get back in, and just back. We just we just wraggle. We just saved some people yesterday that was like, What's wrong with y'all? You know, are we y'all still mad at us? Like, what we mad for? That was that was so old. Like, no matter what the issue is, I'm like, women just just brush it off with no problem, like, yeah, whatever. That's cool. We back in. You know what I'm saying? So when it comes to that, how does one even know when it's time to switch the affection? Is that something because and I know I'm just asking you, I probably should ask like uh uh a table full of women, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 37:36

But even if you ask a table full of women, it's probably gonna be a different answer for each person, you know what I'm saying? But if you're trying to get back in, so you're trying to get back in, so you're scared to make a mistake, all of these things, you're just gonna mess it up even more. So just stay away.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

This is what it looked like, though. We just had our son just played uh basketball, right? Played in the playoff game, and his level, you're only able to get five fouls before you filed out. So once he got two early, and then he got two more, right? Not as early, but still freaking early, right? So now you see him trying to play defense, he just got his hands in the air like the police out there, and he just running behind the person, he's not really playing defense because he don't want to get that last foul and get kicked out the game, right? And this is how a lot of men look in their relationships, right? They run running behind the woman with the hand up because they don't want to they don't want to commit that last foul that's gonna get him out the game, you know what I'm saying? So it's like it's like you're really trying to be cautious out here, but then cautious is costing you. So what do you say? How do you how do how do we as men understand what it is that like if our definitions are different? What is it? What are we looking for? What's going on here?

SPEAKER_02 39:05

I mean, but if if the person is telling you what they want or telling you what they need, I don't know. I don't I don't understand what else what do what do KD need?

SPEAKER_00 39:17

I'm asking you. I'm asking you as as Johann, what do KD need for what out of her relationship? For me. Oh what do you mean from what? We talk of marriage materials.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

I don't know, just I guess attention and I don't know. I'll be chilling, bro. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Okay, so KD needs attention. But there are several other qualities that is necessary for a relationship to stay on the roll, right? Right. What part or are you willing? I should say, let's ask it like this. Are you willing to just get the attention without the other part?

SPEAKER_02 40:04

No. It's like eating them fries that we just got. And then you salt. So you need like attention, you need providing.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Okay. And I mean, I'm just asking because I know I've seen a lot of people who will say, I need you to be six feet, I need you to have, I need you to make this amount of money.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

I mean, that's for that's what, but that's for what some people need.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Right. So I need you to be, I don't know. Right, no, no, they'll use the word need, right? I need you to be six feet and I need you to make six figures. I might not be, I might be six feet, but I might make five figures. But you throwing me away, I got every other quality. You throwing it away, you know what I'm saying? Or I might only have the six-foot, six-figure quality, and I don't have any of the rest of it. And now we're in a relationship, and you thought that this is what you wanted, but you hate it because you still now you done found out I'm missing some other stuff, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 41:06

So I think that's the I mean that's but that's what people come with their deal breakers, right? Like, I'm not accepting anything less than this. Everybody deal breaker, not the same. You know what I'm saying? So, but if if I if you are doing or not doing my deal breaker, nine times out of ten, it's it's the relationship is gonna end. Because it's not gonna, it's gonna be broken.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

So when you when you add a deal breaker, which you know people do often.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

I mean, yeah, you add deal breakers because life changes, right? Like something happens, you're like, oh wait, no, I'm not dealing with that.

SPEAKER_00 41:45

No, so I'm answering this question. When you add the deal breaker, right? Let's say we already in a relationship, you just discovered I got a new deal breaker. What's the time frame that you're giving me to adjust to this new deal breaker if it's something that is my norm?

SPEAKER_02 42:02

I mean, I don't know. I mean, I guess I don't know what's that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

I just asked the question and say that's a good question, right behind it. But go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

I don't know that it's a time frame. I think that when I don't know, I don't know what the time frame will be. Which was what 90 days? Like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Okay, we're gonna have to go around and ask this question because I really want to know this now. Like, what's the what's how what's the frame for that?

SPEAKER_02 42:28

Because I don't even think people know the time frame until they reach it.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

That's dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 42:33

Because you look back and you're like, dang, I've been dealing with this for like four years. This is stupid.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

So so definitely four years is it's gotta be under four years. I heard that. We got that for under four years.

SPEAKER_02 42:44

Like, because I'm saying you don't even know sometimes. You know how you always like we always say, like, you never know it's enough until it's enough, right? Like you never know when the last time is gonna really be the last time, you know what I'm saying? People have 75 last times, right? And then that last time really be the last time, you'd be like, wait, but you have forgave me already 75 times. I can't get 76.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Yeah. So I and I look at it like this too, before we let we end it off after this. But we'll keep going, let's go. But I look at it like this, though. Sometimes the danger is accepting the like if you got a deal breaker, but then you accept me breaking the deal. Because I've seen people who are entrepreneurs and they selling stuff, right? Right. And then they hit you with, oh, I got this on sale.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

30% off, 40% off, 50% off, whatever the case is. Once I pay this price, I'm you, I I don't feel right paying the whole thing now. You know what I'm saying? Cause I just got this for a hundred dollars. And now you're telling me, oh, that was done. Was on sale now is 200. I can't pay you 200. Now I just paid 100. This is the real value for it now in my head. You know what I'm saying? So, like when you have a deal breaker, but then you let me break the deal, it's really you on the you on the man's foot now. You know what I'm saying? Because you gotta dig back out and show me that this is the real deal breaker. And a lot of a lot of time, deal breakers don't really be deal breakers because when it comes down for you to leave, because the deal has been broken, people people are more in in the comfort zone level, right? They just they don't want to leave. And as they can make up any excuse, I put in time, I put in years, I didn't, I didn't this is just too much for me to leave. Like whatever the case may be, they'll never admit that they're just scared to leave. I want to do it on your own, they don't want to start over, whatever that is. But once you allow the deal to be broken, at that point you might as well find a different deal breaker. Let that one go. You know what I'm saying? So, or you gotta show and prove. Show me that this was a deal breaker. I just let that was a one hour. You know, imagine, like you know, our kid, we're gonna use our youngest son again. So we use the second one, we'll use that second younger. If he gets away with one thing and he knows that you know, let's say curfew, your curfew 10 o'clock. You come in at 10:30. He knows that we saw him and watched him walk in at 10:30. The next night he's coming in at 10:30 again. Yeah, and then he's gonna keep coming in at 10:30.

SPEAKER_02 45:35

The next day he's gonna come in at 10:45.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

And when you say something, his rebuttal would be, Oh, I thought my curfew was at 10:30. Because you saw me come in at 10:30 and nothing happened. Yeah, so we nip that in the bud immediately. Oh, it's 10:02. Let's say it put them, put them keys over there, and if you do it again tomorrow with no keys, put them legs over there. This ain't that kind of party, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, that that's I guess that'll be the message right there. Let your deal breakers really be your deal breaker, a deal breaker, yeah, or don't title it that because if you title your deal breakers deal breakers, but you starting to let things go, I'm not gonna take none of them seriously. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, April 18. Make sure y'all in the building. Like I told you, we got a lot of surprises going on. We got a you know, a major surprise that's gonna that y'all gonna love to hear. So make sure y'all there so y'all can hear that first. First, you know what I'm saying? April 18th, 5 p.m., Buffalo, Wild Wings, downtown Detroit, Michigan. Right there, right off Randolph. You know what I'm saying? KD, talk to him.

SPEAKER_02 46:54

You can follow me at your girl.kd. You can follow coach DTM at coach DTM. You can follow the network page at RRP Network, and you can listen to us on YouTube, iHeart, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

DTM. Talk about it. Hold on one second.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 47:26

All right. So my bad. All right, so yeah, no, we definitely appreciate y'all listening each and every week, man. Y'all listening pretty much every Wednesday, every Friday, and then y'all gonna be there on Saturday to hear what else we got going on and what's good. It's gonna be a great show, man. In closing, I do is a moment. I did, it's the work. I'm done is the decision. Don't get them twisted. All right, this is marriage material. I am Coach DTM. Your girl KD, and we will see you next week. In your case, tomorrow. Peace. Peace.